Since I am not known to appreciate the allure of shoes or the stumps I dump in them, it is only
fitting that I make up for my foot ‘fret-ish’ by spending lots of quality
time with SOCKS instead! It’s odd that my cotton clod-hopper toppers and I are
such good pair-pals, especially since I spend so much time ‘spinning wool’ and
looking for half of the whole, asunder with wonder far UNDER the dryer. But nope,
I respect those knitted toe holders as my last line of defense between life’s
awfully rough road of unpleasantness and official membership in my tribe as a calloused
Blackfoot-ed blood-brother.
I used to prefer plain old white socks but soon I noticed
that they all end up grey anyway, so I might as well TOE the line and buy them
that way. Yes, with just a quick shot of Pledge on the bottom of my treads I can
wander the halls in search of dust bunnies and other floating fauna on-a my
FLOOR-a. Of course just like any job which values my bipedal skills over my
bisected bird brain, I’ll ‘drag my feet’ but still put my heart and SOUL into the
work as a wHOLE-ly inspirational experience.
Hey who’s kidding who, I can’t pull the WOOL over your eyes since
there’s too few ewe left to shave after trying to cover up my two fleshy feet-meat
favs. Nobody dusts just for fun but everyone DISGUSTS some so that’s why my
best boffo socko specialty is usually kept under wraps! Believe me, I’m aware
that with the ripening power of those
brown-spotted sock monkeys so low below, harnessing the sweet stench of awesome
responsibility with linty digits goes ‘jam’ in hand.
So whether my fleeced flippers need it or not, I do try to HOSE
most of the toes with Dr. Scholl’s at least once a month. Except of course for
my oh SEW close-knit plane-mates and TSA travel twits, whose proximity and demeanor
sometimes bring out the ‘argyle’ Hyde side of my checkered past. For those UN-lucky
few who displease I’m not responsible if they wheeze n’ sneeze as I tease,
since I always reserve the right to unleash an AIR of hostility from my ‘sneaker-snoods’
Sock and Awe’ noxious ability.
Posts
