Despite a half century of ignoring my bod pod’s potential, somehow
my elephant hide has unapologetically endured omnivore food abuse without major
malady or a corn kernel of care. I have always had good intentions of leading a
healthier lifestyle and shunning pig ribs in favor of long tongs for salad, but
somehow when my gut rumbles, my brain is blocked and my mouth unhinges for ‘imMEATiate’ input. Actually any kind of caloric
consumption is crackerjack to me but my tastes tend toward the salty rather
than the sweet so lining my pockets with jerky instead of Jello makes for a lot
less messy snacking.
I do not necessarily shun greens however most of the ones I
come in contact with are growing on the inside of refrigerator Tupperware and don’t
seem particularly appetizing. If I’m going to sneak a salad, I prefer the least
nutritional Iceberg lettuce as a base laced with some sliced turkey or cubed
ham and a drizzle of dressing. While small sprigs of spinach are ok too, I don’t
consider those giant multi-colored leafy rabbit patch greens, flapping and
fanning while I struggle to stuff my mullet gullet, face-friendly or fun to
eat.
To spice up my droll personality and aging geezer sneezes I
eat a lot of red pepper flakes in soup and on just about everything else except
cold cereal and warm ice cream. Hot salsa pairings too are a staple in our dust-hut (except oddly on
eggs) though it makes the paperclips jealous when eating behind their wiry little
backs. I don’t shy away from fried buffets, but doughnuts and greasy foods in
general won’t make my top ten hit list even though most other breads, baked
goods, and pies in the face do.
Cheese appeal is probably this clown’s real Achilles heel to
high n’ mighty long term health, since I like it cubed, curdled, shredded, or
sliced on anything or anywhere I feel free to stuff it. Soon if I don’t want to be buried in a digital
piano case though, I’ll have to curb that bad habit along with a hundred other fiber
faux-pas and blender close calls. On second thought though, I could remain a true
blue, red, white, and yellow, ballooning ‘carnival-vore
‘ fellow and continue to face life as a giant side show curiosity. At least
then, I’ll never go hungry since I can always pick- up a few extra rupees for
quick lookies under
my BIG tent!
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