My wife travels quite a bit for work. I’m sure it is inconvenient for her at times but she never complains. We talk daily and with the modern power of Skype we even get to see each other a couple of times between weekends. But Fridays, yes those marvelous Fridays are like Christmas around here. As my wife unpacks her luggage, she always seems to have squirreled away the stuff that she knows will make me happy. Like a kid, I’m a bundle of nerves anxiously waiting to see what’s in my wife’s ’magic suitcase’!
Well by now you have guessed it – my thoughtful spouse brings me home FOOD mostly! Yeah, I literally have a kitchen wall cabinet half-filled with those little coffee bags from hotels. I never buy coffee, Sweet and Low, Equal, or those little red straw stir-sticks anymore (who uses ‘em anyway). Eventually, these mini coffee bags will get deposited into one of two larger cans – Regular and Decaf. and everything else awaits our guests.
Now depending on the hotel de jour, my wife might bring home bags of tea, microwave popcorn, nuts, muffins, toiletry items, and most recently, a bag of Soft Scrub laundry detergent? We don’t feel bad by taking advantage of the hotel niceties since first off, she has paid for the room, and second, we actually give a lot of the booty away to good causes. We both belong to an aviation group called Women With Wings in St. Louis. They regularly collect shampoo bottles from hotels and mail large packages of treats and needs for the troops in the Middle East. Beyond that, there are the Boy Scouts and various shelters who a couple of times a year can always use a bag of hotel goodies for the needy.
While being a temporary bachelor has a few advantages like sitting in the dark working on the computer at odd hours, but eating savory food is not one of them. For my wife, being on the road has some advantages too, (Treadmill & cable TV) but restaurant leftovers usually go to waste. Well this most recent trip was the best yet to solve all of our problems. Believe it or not, tucked securely in the bottom of my wife’s bag, between the shoes and dirty clothes was a GLORIOUS HALF-RACK OF BBQ RIBS swaddled tightly in a plastic hotel dry-cleaning sack! If that were not enough, the cache contained a small heart-stopping (literally) cup of crumbled cheesy bacon chunks, three fluffy dinner rolls and a crabapple-sized ball of cinnamon honey butter as a caloric exclamation point.
O.M.G.?!! (to quote the modern texting teen) – I cannot tell you the eternal joy and love that momentarily filled my heart before it rapidly descended Southward to my grumbling gut! Right then and there, we should have called in a minister to renew our vows because it‘s clear that this woman is PERFECT! In fact, come to think of it, I’m not sure of WHO I married at all … I am beginning to suspect that she’s actually SANTA?!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Just say ‘no’ – to YOURSELF!
I consider myself fairly hard-headed, so despite my amiable personality, I’m not easily subject to peer pressures or steered toward dangerous waters often. I still however, value the flexibility to shun my own fears and ‘step-out’ to try new things. So more often than not, I have found I can do most anything enjoyably with a little practice and moderation. I have come to realize however, that it is prudent with some ‘special skills’ and activities to basically ‘just say NO’.
For example, I used to work at a company that had a fairly “hard-nosed” accountant. Nothing wrong with keeping tight books, but you know the type – just getting a legitimate petty cash expenditure approved was a major undertaking. We actually became rather good friends as I came to appreciate her careful control of the company coffers. The sad end to this story was that years later I learned that she had embezzled small amounts of cash from random company accounts for years?
Though this incident hit me hard personally since I had failed in my character assessment of a trusted co-worker, but it also taught me a valuable lesson. Some people, even those you love and trust, are not experts at saying ‘NO’, especially to themselves. The accountant had the ABILITY and OPPORTUNITY to cheat, like we all do at times. However, if she had simply practiced a little self-denial internally as much as she had externally, her story might have ended better?
In my case I have always had a great interest in locks and locksmithing. To me there is just a kind of a captivating allure to a locked drawer, phone, or door. So naturally I have read up on the subject and YES I even crafted a set of tools from what I’d learned. Now I practiced for hours on every lock in the house, raking and scratching anything with tumblers until I felt confident in my abilities. Then with my new found power, I simply STOPPED. I did not break into people’s houses or sneak into files or closets with evil intent. I HAVE only used this skill to gain entry when keys are lost or mistakes are made, but in general I am very deliberate in how I manage the choices given to this ‘moral bi-polarism’.
I think people today, especially the young, should consider these dilemmas of personal choice very carefully. With the advent of video camera cell phones, even the most innocent transgressions WILL be documented and may later prove to be a powerful enemy of fact or innuendo. With so many people using social networking sites, sharing pictures, and blogging back and forth, LIMITS are more important than ever and you must stay vigilant.
This does not mean that you should stop living your life normally or worse yet, in fear. There is no need to exclusively go to bed by nine with a warm glass of milk. Conversely however, it is also unreasonable to ‘party’ all night long and drink yourself into a stupor. Moderation is the golden rule for most things in life. For the rest of the stuff, regardless of pressures, be sure to practice saying a resounding ‘NO’! – even if it IS to YOURSELF!
For example, I used to work at a company that had a fairly “hard-nosed” accountant. Nothing wrong with keeping tight books, but you know the type – just getting a legitimate petty cash expenditure approved was a major undertaking. We actually became rather good friends as I came to appreciate her careful control of the company coffers. The sad end to this story was that years later I learned that she had embezzled small amounts of cash from random company accounts for years?
Though this incident hit me hard personally since I had failed in my character assessment of a trusted co-worker, but it also taught me a valuable lesson. Some people, even those you love and trust, are not experts at saying ‘NO’, especially to themselves. The accountant had the ABILITY and OPPORTUNITY to cheat, like we all do at times. However, if she had simply practiced a little self-denial internally as much as she had externally, her story might have ended better?
In my case I have always had a great interest in locks and locksmithing. To me there is just a kind of a captivating allure to a locked drawer, phone, or door. So naturally I have read up on the subject and YES I even crafted a set of tools from what I’d learned. Now I practiced for hours on every lock in the house, raking and scratching anything with tumblers until I felt confident in my abilities. Then with my new found power, I simply STOPPED. I did not break into people’s houses or sneak into files or closets with evil intent. I HAVE only used this skill to gain entry when keys are lost or mistakes are made, but in general I am very deliberate in how I manage the choices given to this ‘moral bi-polarism’.
I think people today, especially the young, should consider these dilemmas of personal choice very carefully. With the advent of video camera cell phones, even the most innocent transgressions WILL be documented and may later prove to be a powerful enemy of fact or innuendo. With so many people using social networking sites, sharing pictures, and blogging back and forth, LIMITS are more important than ever and you must stay vigilant.
This does not mean that you should stop living your life normally or worse yet, in fear. There is no need to exclusively go to bed by nine with a warm glass of milk. Conversely however, it is also unreasonable to ‘party’ all night long and drink yourself into a stupor. Moderation is the golden rule for most things in life. For the rest of the stuff, regardless of pressures, be sure to practice saying a resounding ‘NO’! – even if it IS to YOURSELF!
Friday, March 12, 2010
In the EYE of the beholder
I tend to see art in things not ordinarily associated with museum finery. For the experts, artwork is so often relegated to one of two extremes - the works of age old Masters, or the follies of the insane. The latter, can also most often apply, to the purchasers of said objet d’ art, which have been randomly crafted by elephants, dogs, and various monkey-sized animals.
But for the rest of us, most art is simply defined as an expression of ‘like or dislike'. We really do not care who made it, the materials involved, or how much time it took to fashion. When I was younger, and had a child running free through the house, it became necessary to call an agency to hire a Nanny. After numerous required reviews and interviews, a caregiver named Yola came to assist in the day to day. Living in California, most folks who enter this profession are both of Mexican heritage and of the Catholic religion. So, in an effort to honor both Yola’s interest in religion and my own affinity for the arts, one night I stayed up late to make her a gift of religious significance.
No, I was not expert enough to work in clay nor did I have the steady hand required for colored pencils. Instead my medium of choice was 'Dryer Lint'. I would run small loads of darks, lights, and reds in the dryer to construct a rather varied pallete of earth tones for my project. Then with whetted fingers, I gently would push, prod ,and cajole the layers of matted lint into the recognizable form of Jesus’s head.
Amazingly the project did not take long, however the colors of lint mostly mixed together into a distinct shade of gray mud. Still I was proud of my creation as the head’s shape, facial hair, and crown of thorns were readily discernable and oddly attractive. The head was basically in two dimensions but had over a half inch of relief elevation so I used spray adhesive to bind the lint fibers together. Just for good measure, and to make it uniquely classy like myself, I topped it all off with an ever-so-light coating of spray-on glitter.
Needless to say, Yola loved the linty little head even more than I did. For nearly 8 years, Jesus in all his glittery glory greeted me ‘eye to eye’ whenever I ventured a knock at our Nanny’s door. You know, this really has got me thinking. I wonder what OTHER kinds of art the CAT can make using litter … and oh yeah - a bit of glitter?
But for the rest of us, most art is simply defined as an expression of ‘like or dislike'. We really do not care who made it, the materials involved, or how much time it took to fashion. When I was younger, and had a child running free through the house, it became necessary to call an agency to hire a Nanny. After numerous required reviews and interviews, a caregiver named Yola came to assist in the day to day. Living in California, most folks who enter this profession are both of Mexican heritage and of the Catholic religion. So, in an effort to honor both Yola’s interest in religion and my own affinity for the arts, one night I stayed up late to make her a gift of religious significance.
No, I was not expert enough to work in clay nor did I have the steady hand required for colored pencils. Instead my medium of choice was 'Dryer Lint'. I would run small loads of darks, lights, and reds in the dryer to construct a rather varied pallete of earth tones for my project. Then with whetted fingers, I gently would push, prod ,and cajole the layers of matted lint into the recognizable form of Jesus’s head.
Amazingly the project did not take long, however the colors of lint mostly mixed together into a distinct shade of gray mud. Still I was proud of my creation as the head’s shape, facial hair, and crown of thorns were readily discernable and oddly attractive. The head was basically in two dimensions but had over a half inch of relief elevation so I used spray adhesive to bind the lint fibers together. Just for good measure, and to make it uniquely classy like myself, I topped it all off with an ever-so-light coating of spray-on glitter.
Needless to say, Yola loved the linty little head even more than I did. For nearly 8 years, Jesus in all his glittery glory greeted me ‘eye to eye’ whenever I ventured a knock at our Nanny’s door. You know, this really has got me thinking. I wonder what OTHER kinds of art the CAT can make using litter … and oh yeah - a bit of glitter?
Stop in the Name of the … NAME?
I have to admit I’m not the sharpest tool in the legal shed, but I really did not EVER expect to see a multi-million dollar Defamation lawsuit, originate over those entertaining E-Trade talking baby commercials? Since all young babies, kind of look alike, act alike, and oh yeah … CAN’T SPEAK YET – I could not imagine, in a sane world, a scenario where legal limits could be crossed in these ads?
Apparently however, ‘last-year’s news' Lindsay Lohan, felt that one of the E-Trade Ad babies portrayed an inappropriate characterization of her, since one baby was a 'Milk-aholic' named Lindsay. I never got that from those commercials? In fact the only similarity between Lohan and the babies in E-trade commercials is that both of them ARE INDEED BABIES! Also, I seriously doubt Lohan has EVER drank milk at all in her life even when she WAS a baby? It is so much easier to snap on a ‘sippy cup top’ to a can of beer, than to mess with all of those sterile bottles rules and wrist-testing steps.
No I am not a lawyer, but first off, I thought in principle, satire is protected free speech on just about anything but particularly on public figures? Yes, I get the fact that E-Trade was technically engaging in business, especially with an audience the size of the Super Bowl viewing their commercials. But are not Jon Stewart, Leno or Letterman partaking and profiting from humor and advertising on their shows everyday as well?
Further, while I can marginally see someone seeking trademark protection on a highly unusual single name moniker like ‘Cher’ or ‘Bozo’ when applied to a particular product or skill (Singer or clown)- but LINDSAY? Isn’t that first name in every baby names book in the world? I bet even in Zulu, a couple of clicks and a grunt or two stands for Lindsay in their baby name books? Also, what would Lindsay’s trademark protected ‘skill or product’ be – public intoxication; indecent exposure; or maybe, bad hair day?
Methinks Ms. Lohan has not been behaving badly enough lately to get noticed by the press and it’s making her pout. Nothing better to stoke the buzz than the drama and insanity of a frivolous lawsuit eh? Ahh, our little ’attention-aholic’ is growing up and misses her flock of ‘Paps’. Too bad she is unwilling to leave her car-seat and Pampers behind to finally step up to Pull-ups - just like the rest of us!
Apparently however, ‘last-year’s news' Lindsay Lohan, felt that one of the E-Trade Ad babies portrayed an inappropriate characterization of her, since one baby was a 'Milk-aholic' named Lindsay. I never got that from those commercials? In fact the only similarity between Lohan and the babies in E-trade commercials is that both of them ARE INDEED BABIES! Also, I seriously doubt Lohan has EVER drank milk at all in her life even when she WAS a baby? It is so much easier to snap on a ‘sippy cup top’ to a can of beer, than to mess with all of those sterile bottles rules and wrist-testing steps.
No I am not a lawyer, but first off, I thought in principle, satire is protected free speech on just about anything but particularly on public figures? Yes, I get the fact that E-Trade was technically engaging in business, especially with an audience the size of the Super Bowl viewing their commercials. But are not Jon Stewart, Leno or Letterman partaking and profiting from humor and advertising on their shows everyday as well?
Further, while I can marginally see someone seeking trademark protection on a highly unusual single name moniker like ‘Cher’ or ‘Bozo’ when applied to a particular product or skill (Singer or clown)- but LINDSAY? Isn’t that first name in every baby names book in the world? I bet even in Zulu, a couple of clicks and a grunt or two stands for Lindsay in their baby name books? Also, what would Lindsay’s trademark protected ‘skill or product’ be – public intoxication; indecent exposure; or maybe, bad hair day?
Methinks Ms. Lohan has not been behaving badly enough lately to get noticed by the press and it’s making her pout. Nothing better to stoke the buzz than the drama and insanity of a frivolous lawsuit eh? Ahh, our little ’attention-aholic’ is growing up and misses her flock of ‘Paps’. Too bad she is unwilling to leave her car-seat and Pampers behind to finally step up to Pull-ups - just like the rest of us!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Kiss and Tell
On Saturday mornings, whenever we are free of commitments and the car’s tires are not frozen to the driveway, my wife and I find going to garage sales enjoyable entertainment. We rarely find anything of significance to purchase, but it is more the journey than the acquisition. This is just a time to decompress and nose around in other people’s private belongings and medicine cabinets EXCEPT while they’re watching.
Recently on one such expedition, my wife became thrilled to find a videotape for sale titled “08 min. LEGS”. As you can guess this is an intense but short exercise tape to focus on toning your legs. Given the leg warmers and fashion-forward choices of the fitness guru, the tapes were produced decades ago. But the exercise is truly only secondary – the real purpose of the purchase is to ‘complete our SET’.
“What?” How many legs do you have anyway – isn’t one tape enough? No, actually on previous garage sale outings over the last two or three years, my wife found and purchased BOTH “08 minute ABS” and “08 minute BUNS”. Now neither of us know how many other body parts are available for conditioning on these tapes, but at least for now our set consists of three.
I appreciate exercise but I particularly like it when OTHER people are doing it. Honestly, I know eight minutes is not much to ask to tone up so I have no REAL excuse. But part of me wants to blame the fitness industry since they are always trying to strengthen the same old hunks of meat. I mean where is the creativity and leading edge workouts for the rest of us who need attention in other areas of our bodies?
Consider the lips for one thing. I mean we speak with these things and kiss stuff every day of the week (Depending on how much you are brow-beaten by your boss). You would think those pink sphincters might be one of the first things body image experts would focus on for ‘perfection’? On second thought, nobody practices pursing more than smokers, and after years of ‘reps’ they start to get those little ‘pucker-puss’ lines that radiate out from the mouth. SEE, that’s the problem with exercise, you just shouldn’t over-do it. Nobody wants to wake up after years of working your abdominals to see a giant vortex of pucker-lines emanating from your belly button?
You know what it REALLY is, despite their reputation, fitness fanatics are just too lazy to create a lip workout routine that focuses on toning a dozen major muscles in your face. Just like those hunky personal trainers that apparently lack sebaceous glands, lip muscles all have fancy Latin names and NEVER SWEAT! I think I see a Hollywood opportunity here – ‘Angelina’s 08 minute Lips’! Better still, in a few years, yet ANOTHER garage sale workout video will be available to add to my wife’s set!
Recently on one such expedition, my wife became thrilled to find a videotape for sale titled “08 min. LEGS”. As you can guess this is an intense but short exercise tape to focus on toning your legs. Given the leg warmers and fashion-forward choices of the fitness guru, the tapes were produced decades ago. But the exercise is truly only secondary – the real purpose of the purchase is to ‘complete our SET’.
“What?” How many legs do you have anyway – isn’t one tape enough? No, actually on previous garage sale outings over the last two or three years, my wife found and purchased BOTH “08 minute ABS” and “08 minute BUNS”. Now neither of us know how many other body parts are available for conditioning on these tapes, but at least for now our set consists of three.
I appreciate exercise but I particularly like it when OTHER people are doing it. Honestly, I know eight minutes is not much to ask to tone up so I have no REAL excuse. But part of me wants to blame the fitness industry since they are always trying to strengthen the same old hunks of meat. I mean where is the creativity and leading edge workouts for the rest of us who need attention in other areas of our bodies?
Consider the lips for one thing. I mean we speak with these things and kiss stuff every day of the week (Depending on how much you are brow-beaten by your boss). You would think those pink sphincters might be one of the first things body image experts would focus on for ‘perfection’? On second thought, nobody practices pursing more than smokers, and after years of ‘reps’ they start to get those little ‘pucker-puss’ lines that radiate out from the mouth. SEE, that’s the problem with exercise, you just shouldn’t over-do it. Nobody wants to wake up after years of working your abdominals to see a giant vortex of pucker-lines emanating from your belly button?
You know what it REALLY is, despite their reputation, fitness fanatics are just too lazy to create a lip workout routine that focuses on toning a dozen major muscles in your face. Just like those hunky personal trainers that apparently lack sebaceous glands, lip muscles all have fancy Latin names and NEVER SWEAT! I think I see a Hollywood opportunity here – ‘Angelina’s 08 minute Lips’! Better still, in a few years, yet ANOTHER garage sale workout video will be available to add to my wife’s set!
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