Bathrooms are just about my favorite rooms in the whole world. Except for maybe the kitchen, what other rooms are so popular and important, that you want as many of ‘em as you can afford to stuff into a house. Generally I have a 1 bathroom per person rule, because after a big Chinese gut-buster meal, nobody should have to suffer restricted access to clean porcelain.
I do have a teensy tiny irritation though with my throne room. Beyond the standard operating gear, I always seem to be stuck with having to stock the joint with a variety of add-ons. Although these things may be necessary from time to time, they definitely are extras so I have little patience for all the space they require and the clutter they cause. My wife stocks band-aids, ‘girl stuff’, even a new toothbrush and paste in the guest bathrooms.
You need not worry, even here in Missouri, standard issue in our restrooms is toilet paper not corn cobs as some would have you believe. I am also ok with the little fancy ‘froo froo’ towels and the pretty pump bottle full of amber colored liquid soap too. Yes I wish it were filled with that gritty LAVA soap or maybe a tub of that 'Agent Orange' stuff they use to clean off fingernail grease at gas stations.
What I hate the most is those foot soldiers that line up behind the toilet waiting for my call to duty. You know the things – the Plunger and the Scrubber. Those dudes are not pretty no matter how you try to dress them up. The paradox of course is that nobody wants to look at these stool-tools in an attractive restroom, but if you hide them, guests will not be able to use them in time of need. If only I could invent a way to hide these things in plain sight, but still make them accessible? I know – I’ll mount them horizontally near the sink and hang fresh towels on them. Now that’s a kind of project I can PLUNGE in to!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Rose Bowl Girls
Especially these days, with a tough economy there are no dishonorable jobs. You take what you can get and can be darn proud to have it. Believe me, if you’re picking up trash or cleaning a soda machine while I blog in some corner of your restaurant – you are my hero! Still, I know there are jobs that ‘normal’ people probably prefer doing over others.
When we were young and work was tough to come by, my wife tried to get a gig cleaning up squished animals off of the highway. Those were still in the days when sexism was alive and well and they would not hire her because they thought it was not a good ‘fit’ for a young lady? You know what is a good fit for anyone – cold hard cash in the palm of our hands! Around this same time I got a job exactly for ONE DAY cleaning some elderly lady’s house. I did a good job and was trustworthy, but the next day the lady called in and wanted a ‘girl’ to clean her house because ‘cleaning’ was better left to the 'women folk'.
Then and now, most people do not like working on commission or in sales because it is performance based. Every day you must face rejection and (most difficult for many), you never know how much income you can count on earning. My kid had the same concerns but needed some real job experience even MORE than money. So after some weeks of the normal grocery store, mall, and restaurant applications, she actually settled on, an ‘all commission’ sales job at a local amphitheater selling ROSES.
Now oddly this is not a bad gig at all. My daughter gets exercise walking around up and down aisles and hanging out by the men’s restroom. She gets to listen to a variety of concerts for free (on the stage not in the restroom), and with tips and commissions, the pay is far better than minimum wage. An unexpected perk too, is that invariably concert patrons, inebriated and otherwise will buy roses FOR my daughter. So not only does she get a commission on the deal, but she brings a bouquet back home to help mask the smell of burnt waffles and wet raccoons (hillbilly staples).
Yes we have a vase or two in some dusty cabinet, but more often than not, my kid will stash those fancy roses in an ordinary water glass or cereal bowl. It seems somewhat of a pedestrian end for luxurious red roses, especially after all the work that went into standing and smiling at GUYS all night. Well it is a tough economy so I guess somebody’s got to stop the bullets. Gee, as I have gotten older, I stand by the bathroom all the time anyway, and I LOVE fresh flowers. After all these years, maybe society is finally ready to buck its sexist ways . . . I think I’m gonna' be a Rose Girl too!
When we were young and work was tough to come by, my wife tried to get a gig cleaning up squished animals off of the highway. Those were still in the days when sexism was alive and well and they would not hire her because they thought it was not a good ‘fit’ for a young lady? You know what is a good fit for anyone – cold hard cash in the palm of our hands! Around this same time I got a job exactly for ONE DAY cleaning some elderly lady’s house. I did a good job and was trustworthy, but the next day the lady called in and wanted a ‘girl’ to clean her house because ‘cleaning’ was better left to the 'women folk'.
Then and now, most people do not like working on commission or in sales because it is performance based. Every day you must face rejection and (most difficult for many), you never know how much income you can count on earning. My kid had the same concerns but needed some real job experience even MORE than money. So after some weeks of the normal grocery store, mall, and restaurant applications, she actually settled on, an ‘all commission’ sales job at a local amphitheater selling ROSES.
Now oddly this is not a bad gig at all. My daughter gets exercise walking around up and down aisles and hanging out by the men’s restroom. She gets to listen to a variety of concerts for free (on the stage not in the restroom), and with tips and commissions, the pay is far better than minimum wage. An unexpected perk too, is that invariably concert patrons, inebriated and otherwise will buy roses FOR my daughter. So not only does she get a commission on the deal, but she brings a bouquet back home to help mask the smell of burnt waffles and wet raccoons (hillbilly staples).
Yes we have a vase or two in some dusty cabinet, but more often than not, my kid will stash those fancy roses in an ordinary water glass or cereal bowl. It seems somewhat of a pedestrian end for luxurious red roses, especially after all the work that went into standing and smiling at GUYS all night. Well it is a tough economy so I guess somebody’s got to stop the bullets. Gee, as I have gotten older, I stand by the bathroom all the time anyway, and I LOVE fresh flowers. After all these years, maybe society is finally ready to buck its sexist ways . . . I think I’m gonna' be a Rose Girl too!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Big Fat MASTHEAD
My daughter was telling me that you have about 7 seconds to make a good first impression and capture your ‘victim’s’ attention. With statistics like that, is it any wonder that TV and news shows hop around so much? Being magnanimous (or challenged) as I am, I usually give people a minute or two before I start making judgments about them. Ok, I am pulling your leg just a little – the clock actually starts at about 30 seconds.
The point is, until people spend more quality time with you, or the ‘stink’ has cleared,(whichever comes first), the very first thing you present to the world is likely how you’ll be remembered. Thus enter my new blog masthead. I know, it actually says NOTHING differently than before. But in reality, hopefully the new banner DOES provide a more representative first impression of my typical blog posts.
So if you are thinking this blog is now ‘bigger, bolder, and more bewildered – well all of those adjectives could probably fit the BILL. I’m usually all of those things at least once during the day, so as long as my writing veers away from the generic and mundane, I will be happy with THAT lasting, first impression.
As for the photo – ok give me a break it was late and like my profile picture, most of the time people only take pictures of me when weird stuff is stuck to my big fat face or I’m in a police line-up. I can’t help it if the camera has 20:20 vision. (adds 20 pounds and 20 years of age). I’ll eventually find a better snap to enhance your NEXT first impression of me. That will be the photo where I weigh 20 lbs less, have a bounty of brown hair AGAIN, and sadly still blissfully bewildered.
The point is, until people spend more quality time with you, or the ‘stink’ has cleared,(whichever comes first), the very first thing you present to the world is likely how you’ll be remembered. Thus enter my new blog masthead. I know, it actually says NOTHING differently than before. But in reality, hopefully the new banner DOES provide a more representative first impression of my typical blog posts.
So if you are thinking this blog is now ‘bigger, bolder, and more bewildered – well all of those adjectives could probably fit the BILL. I’m usually all of those things at least once during the day, so as long as my writing veers away from the generic and mundane, I will be happy with THAT lasting, first impression.
As for the photo – ok give me a break it was late and like my profile picture, most of the time people only take pictures of me when weird stuff is stuck to my big fat face or I’m in a police line-up. I can’t help it if the camera has 20:20 vision. (adds 20 pounds and 20 years of age). I’ll eventually find a better snap to enhance your NEXT first impression of me. That will be the photo where I weigh 20 lbs less, have a bounty of brown hair AGAIN, and sadly still blissfully bewildered.
THE DISNEY LOCKBOX
Remember when Disney VHS videos were all the rage? In fact they were so special, Disney had a policy of re-releasing its ANIMATED classics only once every ten years to limit supply, increase demand and create scarcity. This policy doesn’t apply to live action, Pixar, or other co-branded productions. So gee I guess all that macroeconomics I studied in college really was ‘kids play’; because even at the ‘Happiest Place on Earth’, CARTOONS heed the basics.
Why I started thinking about this topic was that I purchased a Toy Story 2 VHS video in its original oversized plastic case from a garage sale for a buck. I am not particularly in love with the movie or seeking it to complete my valuable collection. It just seemed kind of ‘dishonored’ among the piles of valueless junk and I thought I should give it a home.
Disney though fairly late to the DVD game due to their hedged bet with DivX, continues to preserve their most famous animated titles in the famed Disney vault. Similar to the VHS video policy, DVD’s are released for a limited time as ‘special editions’ or some similar language, before production ceases for up to ten years. This release period is a very short 60 days so of course demand is quite high and top dollar can be charged for the product.
What will be interesting is, since the degradation rate of DVD technology is much slower than VHS tape, what will Disney do if there is too much product floating around of a vaulted video over the next ten years? With VHS, you could assume that half the product would be lost to wear and accidents alone. Of the remaining half, a good portion is archived by collectors and just old Disney ‘softees’ like me, saving some good memories from the junk heap. Wow, if Disney would REALLY release Wall-E every 10 years, he could help me clean-up all of my accumulated and antiquated VALUELESS video junk . . . for my wife, that would REALLY be special.
Why I started thinking about this topic was that I purchased a Toy Story 2 VHS video in its original oversized plastic case from a garage sale for a buck. I am not particularly in love with the movie or seeking it to complete my valuable collection. It just seemed kind of ‘dishonored’ among the piles of valueless junk and I thought I should give it a home.
Disney though fairly late to the DVD game due to their hedged bet with DivX, continues to preserve their most famous animated titles in the famed Disney vault. Similar to the VHS video policy, DVD’s are released for a limited time as ‘special editions’ or some similar language, before production ceases for up to ten years. This release period is a very short 60 days so of course demand is quite high and top dollar can be charged for the product.
What will be interesting is, since the degradation rate of DVD technology is much slower than VHS tape, what will Disney do if there is too much product floating around of a vaulted video over the next ten years? With VHS, you could assume that half the product would be lost to wear and accidents alone. Of the remaining half, a good portion is archived by collectors and just old Disney ‘softees’ like me, saving some good memories from the junk heap. Wow, if Disney would REALLY release Wall-E every 10 years, he could help me clean-up all of my accumulated and antiquated VALUELESS video junk . . . for my wife, that would REALLY be special.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Hot House Pansies
For you folks on the East coast I know it has been miserably hot over the last week and sadly there is no end in sight. Even here in the Midwest, it has been no picnic either. Though the temps are lower, our 80% humidity makes it feel like somebody forgot to turn on the bathroom fan after a hot shower.
With that said however, does anyone remember what our folks and grandparents used to do when it got unbearably hot? Well, they didn’t do MUCH different from their normal routine actually. Their general attitude was ‘Yes it gets hot and cold sometimes – deal with it already you pansies’! Somewhere over the last 30 years or so, people have become so averse to REAL life and experience, they are actually starting to cripple themselves with constant needs.
Honestly, I don’t want to magically transform my house and car back 50 years ago when air conditioning was a genuine luxury. In the 40’s, 50’s and early 60’s it was not unusual for large department stores to not even have air conditioning. Patrons of buses, cabs, and if you were lucky enough to have ‘em, streetcars would never have expected conditioned air. People then were just happy to have a ride and if they were really lucky, somebody next to you that actually USED that new fangled stuff called deodorant.
The point is, it’s hot – I get it, so take ADVANTAGE of it. Remember when you were kids and there were no fancy themed water slide centers with $20 fees JUST FOR PARKING. What did you do – you put a sprinkler on a hose and ran through it for hours on end. You got some water balloons and chucked them at your friends. You had a picnic in the shade of a big tree or lay in a hammock and you’d SWEAT. But you know what, that was ok because you had all that you really needed - and it wasn’t much.
So to those heat-wave wimps out there, I figure there are better than a hundred thirty thousand troops tromping around overseas in all forms of purgatory’s best weather. With 60 pounds of gear hung on them and nary an ice cube in sight, those soldiers sincerely ‘feel our pain’. Wow, I suddenly feel empowered and thirsty? Let’s go outside and raise a glass of ice-cold sun tea in honor of our new found independence from neediness. On second thought, you go . . . I’ll be fine here in front of the fan with a pitcher, along side the rest of the ‘hot house’ pansies!
With that said however, does anyone remember what our folks and grandparents used to do when it got unbearably hot? Well, they didn’t do MUCH different from their normal routine actually. Their general attitude was ‘Yes it gets hot and cold sometimes – deal with it already you pansies’! Somewhere over the last 30 years or so, people have become so averse to REAL life and experience, they are actually starting to cripple themselves with constant needs.
Honestly, I don’t want to magically transform my house and car back 50 years ago when air conditioning was a genuine luxury. In the 40’s, 50’s and early 60’s it was not unusual for large department stores to not even have air conditioning. Patrons of buses, cabs, and if you were lucky enough to have ‘em, streetcars would never have expected conditioned air. People then were just happy to have a ride and if they were really lucky, somebody next to you that actually USED that new fangled stuff called deodorant.
The point is, it’s hot – I get it, so take ADVANTAGE of it. Remember when you were kids and there were no fancy themed water slide centers with $20 fees JUST FOR PARKING. What did you do – you put a sprinkler on a hose and ran through it for hours on end. You got some water balloons and chucked them at your friends. You had a picnic in the shade of a big tree or lay in a hammock and you’d SWEAT. But you know what, that was ok because you had all that you really needed - and it wasn’t much.
So to those heat-wave wimps out there, I figure there are better than a hundred thirty thousand troops tromping around overseas in all forms of purgatory’s best weather. With 60 pounds of gear hung on them and nary an ice cube in sight, those soldiers sincerely ‘feel our pain’. Wow, I suddenly feel empowered and thirsty? Let’s go outside and raise a glass of ice-cold sun tea in honor of our new found independence from neediness. On second thought, you go . . . I’ll be fine here in front of the fan with a pitcher, along side the rest of the ‘hot house’ pansies!
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