‘Fatman’ utility knife without the GUANO!

Though I think I learned to read from ‘Baby Huey’ and ‘Sad Sack’ comic books, I also learned a lot from the early days of Batman and his whiz-bang gizmo technology too. Oddly I was never a big fan of Superman but what would you expect from someone whose comic book heroes were Sad Sack and Baby Huey? To my parent’s horror I identified more with ‘Jimmy’ the loser copyboy or even Lois Lane, than the ‘bespectacled’ dual-persona of svelte Clark Kent.

Recently my wife decided to order me up one of those fancy pocket knives that does a lot more than stab things. Lots of those knives do that but few do them well on the bargain end, so surprisingly she bought a genuine Buck knife with a can opener, a pair of screwdrivers, a slide-out pliers, and of course a knife. Now I know you are a bit disappointed. After all, only 5 toys on a pocketknife? Where is the toothpick, the magnifying glass, and the keen, pop-out ‘killer laser ray gun”? I think if you really had a cool crime-fighter knife like Batman might carry, it would at least come with a soup spoon and nail clippers, right.

Well the truth is this is a REALLY quality knife, better than I have ever owned or even need. I am not used to such luxury as I have been raised opening envelopes by hand and tearing into stubborn plastic packaging and steaks with my teeth for years. Even though this knife only does 5 things, it seems to be designed to do them really well. The plier’s jaws actually fit better together than the stand alone pliers in my tool box? The knife edge will literally cut butter effortlessly and the blade does not even need to be hot!

So to make up for my lost youth and latent desires to beat Batman at his own utility belt game, I have decided to carry this knife every day. Consider it my tough-guy ‘homage’ to ‘Billy Jack’ or some other Hollywood on-screen rowdy. Of course I am a little older now so my gut seems to have spread out way past middle age and well on its way to full-blown fogey status. Since my ‘go go gadget’ belt is ‘fat-covered’ and inaccessible these days, I had to move my new knife to where I can get at it easily if I ever meet a rival gang of geezers. Yep, I tied it to the laces of my Dr. Scholls sneakers - right next to the emergency Beano and Pepto Bismol! ‘Betcha’ Fatman wishes he was as SHARP as me … but not quite as gassy!