Thursday, November 3, 2011

FOOD POLICE

What kind of world is this which chooses to limit food choices only to certain arbitrary time periods of the day. So what if I want chocolate cherries with my Cheerios or O.J. with my mayonnaise? As long as I don’t 'spew' on you, what do you care what I eat or when I eat it? Well apparently the ‘food police’ are in full force and spreading rumors that cookies are NOT a food group and candy should not be consumed PRIOR to dental exams?

Hey I know I have been accused of being a little cracked but it’s no ‘YOLK’ that I love scrambled ‘chicken droppings’ more than most folks. I can eat those little ‘Mork’-orb eggs most any time of day, though my wife insists that they are strictly ‘Breakfast’ food. Who wants to live with tyranny like this and under the repression of a some cluck’s hindquarters? Just because chickens lay eggs in the morning doesn’t mean they have also squeezed out an IRON-CLAD ‘ipso facto’ fair-use contract too (‘cause that would be painful)!

I recently ventured into a highly recommended Thai food joint to experience the eye-watering joy of the ‘Bhut Jolokia’ ghost pepper. Now trust me these blistering ‘Pepps’ are one of the top three hottest peppers grown and they are extremely spicy but I use Capsaicin as cologne so why worry right? In any case I had to endure the restaurant owner’s 10 minute liability lecture and sign a written release BEFORE I could eat my lunch. Now society is policing my food so what’s next important stuff like socks that match, toilet rings, or heaven forbid, my GUNS too?

Needless to say I finished my ‘hot’ lunch and am proud that, ‘Yes’ I avoided the $20 ‘clean-up puke‘ provision in my lucrative, yet gassy, contract. Who knew that we have evolved into a 'regurgitation-nation' where a dude’s intestinal fortitude must be reviewed, to keep YOU, from being sued? All these weird fuddy-duddy foodie rules have gone too far. Who needs this police state - as long as I am willing to pay for the gunk in my trunk then just leave me alone already. By the way in the END, I did pay for my extra-spicy Thai food, but don’t tell the ‘privy-patrol’ - the stuff was twice as costly six hours later!

9 comments:

  1. Cookies are so a food group! And so is chocolate! And I say you can eat them during a dental exam if you want to.

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  2. Amen brotha! I thought we live in the Home of the brave and the land of the Free!

    Therefore we should be free to be brave enough to eat what and when we what right!!!

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  3. I'll have you know that I had breakfast for dinner last night.

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  4. I love leftovers for breakfast! I hear my late mother's voice sometimes, but realize I have choices! She was the best person, proper hostess, and I am not. I am not my mother! Very liberating!!!!

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  5. Thank goodness I do not live with a food police officer. I'd spend my days (and nights) in jail and I hear they have lousy food for prisoners (unless it's your last meal).
    xoRobyn

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  6. I have never met two people in America who eat the same thing. I guess that is why we all eat off of separate plates? Or in fast food places it's separate pieces of paper.
    .

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  7. Breakfast anytime works for me. Wow signing a release form in order to eat a menu item! That's crazy. Did it release them from any food poisoning liability too?

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  8. I am totally a breakfast person. I personally cannot eat steak & eggs in the morning. It just weighs to heavy on me, but Steak & eggs for supper mmmmmm with raisin toast! double mmmm Also, when I first got divorced & I had 4 kids to feed 3z a day. I had just started a job & we were flat broke. I had maybe four bucks in my wallet & some change. We all walked to the grocery store I bought a dozen of eggs (99 cents), box of macaroni & cheese (29 cents), loaf of bread (69 cents) & a package of hot dogs (99 cents). I fried sliced hot dogs, scrambled eggs & when it was done I mixed in the macaroni & cheese (already made & mixed) & they loved it. They were asking me for that even when we had money. My sons put ketchup on it. The girls & I ate it plain with a slice of toast. It all came to $3.11 and I still had change & they got a gumball. lol So, don't say breakfast is only for the morning. Our special supper was French Toast with powdered sugar or brown sugar! LOL Don't get me started. hahaha Thanks for stopping by! Always enjoy your comments.

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  9. I absolutely HATE hot food. I can't stand it. I'm not tough enough. It is crazy that you had to sign a paper to eat that food. I'm so impressed with your bravery!

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