Double DOOTIE

The other day I was on the hunt for some waxed paper. After venturing to two mega-chain stores and finding none, I pondered that it may be true – BEES like their honey-money but rarely ‘wax on’ about anything else except pollen. Of course I found parchment paper but now my quills were in a bunch and I didn’t have the constitution to buy any. The stores had some napkins, a few brawny bundles of paper towels, but the real news was the GIANT Panda sized pallets of toilet paper.

Considering where it mostly ends up, I am amazed that apparently all other household paper products have literally taken a BACK SEAT to the ‘potty papyrus’. Do people really need to buy truckloads of this stuff now and if so, what’s changed in society since I was a kid? Maybe all those greasy buffet restaurants are finally taking their toll on the country and starting to hit below the beltline too.

 I know the average size of households has dropped but obviously whoever’s left in those houses seem to be ‘dropping’ an awful lot MORE! Maybe the problem is that the manufacturers are rolling only about 4 sheets of paper on a ‘standard’ toilet roll and only marginally more product on the large and super sized rolls. Why do we need all of these roll sizes when everybody’s anatomy is essentially the same anyway and the BOTTOM line is that eventually all of the paper gets used and abused just the same.

I think if we were mainly worried about sheet count then why not sell those industrial size rolls which are the size of my head and then I’ll only need to buy one roll of toilet paper per year. Or better yet let’s just make the sheet size a little wider and continuous like foil or my elusive waxed paper. You don’t see cooks and bakers dumb enough to PRODUCE QUALITY on a 4 inch strip of those products do you so why should I be expected to do it too in the loo? Yeah the cellophane and foil are out for sure, but I’m starting to think those rolls of paper towels are looking like the perfect double-DUTY solution to wipe my cares away not only the kitchen, but in the bathroom as well!