Solo Resolution

At the end of every year my mind shifts from all the things I don’t do to all the things I should have done. Yes, though I hate to admit it, I have a few things yet to resolve from the last twenty or so New Years that have already passed? Since ‘resolve’ sounds more like a dishwashing soap than an achievement, more than once I’ve been guilty of putting off minor milestones like brushing my teeth or combing my back hair into a neat row of dragon spikes.

Still even cave cretins have to grow up someday to prove their worth and watch the ball drop with  my pants-less tribe on New Years Eve. Clearly it’s time that I REALLY heed the need and evolve to resolve something truly important. I’m not exactly  sure what resolutions I should actually follow through with but since my wife says my face is always locked between a computer and a TV, I had better make ‘em all HIGH DEF.  

Like most folks I know I should lose a little weight but the only thing that’s THAT ‘little’ on my beastie boy body is my pin head. Unfortunately I can’t afford to lose any more gray matter - both the hairy stuff on top and the normal goo inside my brain. In truth I need something to hold up my ears so I can hear my fat fingers do the walking on a keyboard even when the rest of me is too tired for a healthy troll stroll in the park.

Anyway calorie commitments are too common and specific for great goals of epic proportions like I desire. This new year I aim to tackle the big stuff with a lofty resolution that helps me achieve higher success in everything I do, like avoiding procrastination, being more punctual, or simply using deodorant on a regular basis. Then again I’m in no hurry because whatever I’ve been doing for the last half century seems to make me pretty happy. You see, people inexplicably LEAVE ME ALONE regardless of what I say or do, so maybe the best plan in choosing another resolution is to simply ‘STINK’ on it until tomorrow?