Trash day in Suburbia

This week was momentous around here. We received a NEW trash can courtesy of the city. It has a serial number on it just like money, so it must be valuable? It is unusually large, tough and sturdy. They say that it is the equivalent of three normal size trash cans, so you can imagine this thing looks like a big blue hunky linebacker with wheels. My wife was quite pleased because she has been sick of our personal trash cans for well over a year. Yes I admit they were a tad offensive to the neighborhood as they were cracking and wobbled a little. I felt the duct tape ‘belt’ around the middle of the cans was a practical touch that gave them character, yet still kept MOST of the discards inside.

The very first thing I put in the new trash can was the other trash can. It probably could have fit whole, but I took the time to cut it up and stack it neatly inside. When you think about it, a trash can is the only NEW thing that you immediately WANT to mess up? I actually felt a little bad about putting trash in it. It was so shiny and new – if it had power steering I might consider driving it instead of my car. Nah that would never do in the summer, I need air conditioning too.

I actually enjoy driving through the neighborhood on trash day. Long ago I learned to suppress my urge to actually dig in my neighbor’s trash for treasures. But like an alcoholic, the desire never completely leaves you especially when your neighbors taunt you. I hate it when they throw away better stuff than what is actually SITTING in my house and being used right now? I have always prescribed to the idea that at any given moment, most anything you want is being thrown out by somebody else. It’s like Newton’s 3rd law of trash picking.

So I am starting out this Earth day on cloud nine. With the addition of these new trash cans, my life’s looking up since the neighbors can’t look down on me anymore for having the worst cans on the street. But still, why couldn’t our city favor our neighborhood equally with something with more curb appeal, like handsome matching mailboxes rather than dirty ol’ trash cans? Somebody in suburbia must have noticed that we are in need of some attention in the postal area too, right? Oh no, I had better not give my wife any more ideas – I just got her used to the duct tape strap holding MOST of the mail in the box!