Trix is for Cereal Killers

Don’t worry, I’m not here to pass judgment or ‘graham-bash’ your precious grainy breakfast favorites. No in fact, the gang around here seems to thrive on their morning ritual of whole wheat leaves, shredded twigs, and some kind of indistinguishable gummy shriveled n’ wrinkly, dehydrated ‘Franken-fruit’. I would probably even learn to love this stuff myself if I wasn’t always the last one to pry a near-empty carton of stale sugar coated corn meal and ‘flakettes’ out of my pantry’s lifeless and ventilated wiry grip.

I believe in ‘choice’, I really do but not if it ends up killing me. How many types of cereal does a big pre-sweetened mouth like mine need open at the same time for one’s life and gut-bump to feel truly fulfilled? Since I’m married and already an old 'frosted flake' by nature I do my best not to cavort with every random honey puff and marshmallow bit that I come across on the floor. But just once I’d really like to know the pleasure of a hairless, plain-Jane & palpable pablum in lieu of my normal morning ‘hodge podge trough’ of multi-sourced and generously gritty grains.

It’s really not a lot to ask to KNOW what goes into the cereal bowl you are eating every morning is it? Now honestly aren’t you a little bit curious if All Bran simply looks like gerbil food, or if it’s Really that tasty? What kind of nefarious contraband and fruitful goo-chews are they really hiding under that iced candy coating on the shredded wheat and extra puffy rice? I don’t know about you but I don’t trust that scoff-law Trix bunny since he is nowhere to be found whenever I have to finish off the dregs of a box of Bran. I'm SURE he’s hiding something and wants to harm me … Yes sometimes raisins can be suspiciously TOO fresh & uncomfortably plump!