It may not surprise anyone that I am a cheapskate especially
when it comes to expendables like paper towels, tissues, and toilet paper. That
stuff is going to end up all wet, abused and thrown away (like my dreams)
anyway so who cares if I foul the foremost or stock the shelves in name-brand
nose-blow boxes. The problem is that I also tend to quibble when quality is
lacking so therein lies my quandary – the delicate dance between the pocketbook
and perfection.
Yes when I wolf down a Subway ‘sammie’ while getting coated in
crumbs n’ goo is hard on you, I guarantee it’s a lot worse for me with their skimpy
single-ply lack-napkin policy. Even if I try to wipe my grizzled n’ chiseled
chin to please, any shadow left from my shaver will shred those folded flimsy
rags with ease. I can’t afford the famous lumberjack-backed paper towels which are
apparently tough and made of real wood to last forever; so I’m stuck with those
wimpy prints that melt at the first sight of moisture in my feed trough or
behind my ears.
I don’t want to brag or anything but when my bodily fluids
start to flow, absorbency in my arsenal of paper products is a real plus
especially if I can save mo’ dough. I
just wish God would try tough-talking to the Angel Soft TP crew to induce cost-cutting
cues, so when I produce I can confidently
sit on a pew or loo without shame, blame or need for a flame. Now even my Band-Aids need to be triple thick
when I ask for ‘em, since my cereal taste like sticks and is teeming with
minerals and 12 essential aspirin.
While the minimalist impact world’s all abuzz about going ‘Green’
with intent to environmentally appease, apparently someone forgot to remind the
Kleenex folks THAT’s NOT a good thing when spewing a sneeze. Some say I’m ‘self-absorbed’
but both my skin n’ sleeve do deny, if it’s not blotted the ‘eww-glue’ will
crawl off onto you too, like a soggy pet peeve to die. Hey when it comes to the
stuff that I want to share, I prefer to do it in writing rather than ON person
so keep my paper goods strong and the size of a sheet but more importantly to
me - keep ‘em CHEAP!
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