I don’t know how the world functioned before the advent of
high definition TV to show us what REAL life is supposed to look like. Did media REALLY used to only come in two
colors – grey and greyer, where we had to guess which one of the fifty shades Flipper
actually was or worse, LISTEN to his persistent twitter feed? I mean honestly, who can survive today without
a daily dose of good glowing visual stimuli like zits, pits, and craggy faces
to deliver the bad news every morning.
In those caves, our ancient ancestors must have been truly
in the dark without today’s modern rainbow of weather maps to guide them
through typical tasks of daily bargain hunting and coupon gathering. Poor hairy
cretins actually had to shove their matted mugs out into the open atmosphere
and breathe unprocessed air to forecast a typical day of 'just a touch of famine
and a high probability of death'. Now self-absorbed and chamois-soft meteorologists
mutter monotonously, and tell us more than we want to know about their humid
warm ‘lows’ and icy cold fronts – why can’t they forget their pants and just talk about the weather
instead?
Isn’t it in the Bill of Rights somewhere that no one should be
subjected to low fidelity scratchy speakers, ‘free-see’ TV and analog radio programming
since digital satellite crystal bliss
is LITERALLY gracing our fingertips. Anyway who wants to use their precious
time to bend those rascally rabbit’s ears when it’s so much more fun putting
that ‘check-signing’ hand to better use, paying for recurring overpriced
subscription services. Better still why wait to grow old and go deaf slowly the
old fashioned way, when all that ‘hear-clear-over-here’ sounds now makes it so much
easier for today’s budding brainy teens to blast 100 decibels of bass directly into
their ear canals daily.
Hey I know I am slower than a snail when it comes to adopting new fashionable trends and cleaning up after my own coddled slime trails from kitchen to privy. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to commit 100% of actual LIVING life to learn everything about anything by simply sitting on my tufted tuchis and matching tush cushion, staring blankly at a beckoning bag of noisy electronic conveniences. Anyway I have heard that seductive siren’s song all before which wickedly works in mysterious ways to make one deaf, dumb and ‘quarter-less’ in REAL life - Can you HEAR me now PAC MAN?
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