Who decided that bagpipes should
become associated with classy ‘American’ pomp, processionals, and memorable
occasions? When I was young, I don’t recall legions of long legged and skirted
men parading around their instruments except if I frequented West Hollywood
Halloween parties. Now if I lived in Scotland or some other European culture
that shuns pants I might understand, but didn’t my family forerunners sprint for
the sea long ago to cover-up their bell-bottoms and avoid the blare of these
bloody bleating bags o’ pipes?
After all who can listen to an
instrument where its fundamental parts consist of a ‘Bag’, ‘Drone’, and a ‘Chanter’?
In practice, any ONE of these words swirling around your dome for a short time will
give you a headache, but together in concert they will always lead to serious migraines
and ultimately formal funerals. Hasn’t America already suffered enough
HARMonium at the hands (or slobbery chops) of obnoxious accordion and harmonica
‘windbags’, with their wheezing reeds and congested nasal nuisances?
Amazingly, not all REEDS rub me the
wrong way unless they have to do with swamps, Hobbits, or irritatingly inane teenage
Vampires. Musically, English horns and clarinets played well can be curiously captivating
and who isn’t a fan of good SAX whenever they can get it? Also remember to make it a double when it
comes to my orchestral fave-flavs, the swoon of a bassoon expertly blown, or
its baby bro, the oboe - even if played just ‘so so’.
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