Thursday, August 8, 2013

Not So Hot Dog

Since I am so classy I’m not usually one to make ‘fun’ of other people’s names or business no matter how tempting. This is primarily due to societal survival since my own last name is routinely associated with the smell of burnt wood and nasty CAMPsite crescent-moon commodes, filled with a ‘dunny’-pit brews of wonder. Apparently however this New York mayoral wanna-be all-beef candidate Anthony Weiner, LOVES making news and putting himself out there (literally), so who am I to reject such a generous train wreck of a gift?

What drives a guy like this toward politics anyway rather than a less public but more honorable profession such as a street-corner sausage mascot. If you were lucky enough to have this ‘turkey-dog’s’ last name wouldn’t it make good marketing sense to become a Dachshund breeder or invest in a portable biz like a Nathan’s hot dog cart outside a Home Depot instead? Oh c’mon doesn’t everyone want to pound this guy with a hammer before tarring and feathering him with eggs and flour - ‘cause we all know he’d make a better schnitzel than a politician right?

Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I prefer my politicians to show the masses how stupid they are with their policies or debate performances rather than text messages to convey their un-zippered agenda. Oh sure everybody wants better fitness for our youth but trying to win voters over one at a time by sending pix of a leaner Weiner to constituents half his age doesn’t seem to be a very efficient campaign strategy. Maybe I’m too harsh on ‘der Weiner’ since he obviously wants to set a good example by NOT showing his texting prowess while driving, instead preferring the privacy of his privy for pointed politicking. 

Obviously all those nitrates, artificial coloring, and fat have gone to wrong pinched-end of the former Congressman making him a not so hot dog commodity these days in New York and nationwide. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy all along since with ‘Danger’ as a texting alter-ego didn’t Weiner’s buns and onion breath expect a ‘CHILI’ reception from voters? In my opinion the press and public need to ‘relish’ in their ‘rolls’ by grilling the Weiner longer (preferably on beach weekends and 3-day holidays). If the‘wanna-be’  misguided mishugenah mayor won’t reveal the truth with a better clandestine moniker like ‘Curly’, ‘Kraut’, or ‘Foot-long’, then clearly he can’t be trusted with the public’s BUSINESS either.