Whenever the belt around my neck starts to get loose, I make
it a practice to wander into a people-feed store and see what’s on the menu. Unlike
most geezers in training, I don’t mind shopping for chow since what better way
to get exercise while I stock up on nutritional staples that the wife typically
avoids like cookies, candy, and waxy wheels of cheese. Anyway my doughy bone-bag
bulk always benefits from a stroll through the zoo and a chance to observe slow-roll
meandering oldsters in their natural habitat.
With this year’s change of seasons though, suddenly society’s
younger guns all seem to be treating me TOO a bit differently now. A furtive
glare here or an innocent side-step there; yes I notice the subtle impatience and
frequent over-aggressive cart incursions as I expertly ponder fiber values
between the lowly pinto or more costly black bean. I check myself for oozing
wounds, leprosy, or some other stinky societal woe that would deserve such
disgust, but upon reflection (off my head) I appear inert and unchanged - just
as I’ve always been.
Oh sure I now prefer the smell of Mentholatum over Old Spice,
but what’s it prove - that I enjoy soothing hot water bottles and old time
mystery radio shows over reality TV. (coincidentally YES!) So what if I cinch
my pants around my chest and my ashen translucent skin no longer is brawny and
tawny like days gone by. What do you care if Velcro is the kibble of choice to
feed my plush suede Hush Puppies and those threadbare baggy shirts I wear are
NOT to be cool but actually to stay warm.
Though no blockbuster movie will ever be made about it, clerks
seem to routinely ring-me up with senior discounts and need not see I.D. as
proof of my long-toothed Silverback status. Clearly I am something of a real
Transformer now – bending, creaking and soon to be leaking new useful, flexible
and stickier form of productivity. Yes, long life has been seemingly compressed
into seconds as I’ll soon fall completely between
the cracks, and cross that invisible line of re-birth from ready steady stud to swayback
saddled n’ addled, quartered-up colt ready
for a warm Gorilla GLUE bottle.
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