Around this hovel you’ll usually need a shovel, to spoon
feed my wife and I through an overflowing sluice trencher brimming with dry
cereal and a cold milk drencher. Yes it is not unusual for us to have more than a
half dozen boxes of the grainy puffs n’ stuff open, willing, and able to glint upon
our eyes, bellies and table. My wife is content with the ritual as she cycles
through the brands and flavors daily but I’m not, since I still wanna’ know what
happened to all the cool swag hidden inside my cereal bag?
At least these ‘cereal murderers’ could provide ‘something’ other than dehydrated fake fruit bits and crunchy 'un-nuts' to dive for and give me a real
‘RAISIN’ for ‘digging’. Who in the ‘whole grain’ do these high n’ mighty Weetabix
TRIXsters think they are dealing with, by stealing my morning Pep pin inducement
to ‘granola’ out of bed every sunrise. Here’s a ‘news flash’ for the fiber
freaks and ultra-tan bran fan types - that ‘Special K’ pap is not so special
without the wrapped ‘K’RAP nestled down deep between the cello sheets.
Though it should take a frosted flake like me to know one, I am at a
loss to guess who keeps going through the cereal behind my back and leaving me up
a Battle Creek without an injection molded prize of a paddle. There are only so
many days an overgrown nut n’ his honey can go without a colorful decoder ring
or baking soda submarine to soften the world of hurt delivered in black and
white by the morning paper. Despite the fact that I am a big supporter of the MILK-itary
I am sad to say I have narrowed down the thief responsible to likely a high
ranking officer - either General Mills or Cap’n Crunch!
Sorry to complain, the sugar sprinkled wrinkles of my pebble
sized brain obviously have become a tad flax-taxed by spending so much time poking
around for a morning treat to beat Franken’s berries and Lucky’s lackluster
charms. After a half century I know it’s time to grow up and start making healthier
food choices for breakfast anyway. That’s why I vow to start seeking cereal’s wisest prizes with at least two FRUITS daily on my spoon starting with a big
ol’ bowl of GRAPE Nuts mixed with APPLE Jacks!
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