Thursday, January 26, 2012

The STAG Party

While I know Rudolph is kind of cute with his rosy nose and all, but as horny beasts go I’m not really a big fan of deer or the cloven hoof set like politicians. Yes, only those ‘Pippi Long-noggins’ bloated H2O buffalo and maybe that dude the Devil, can count on BOTH of my toes as hoven beasts that I hold in high-hoof regard. Hey I know as marauding packs of wild politicos on the loose go, Bambi’s family should probably be the least of my beastly burdens huh?

The problem is that the herd mentality of ‘my deer friends’ reminds me a bit too much of the average voter; except here we don’t FAWN over politicians -we spew at them, and then I turn my white tail and run. Given my back yard I think that there is clearly room for a third party in local politics and it is the ‘Stag party’. Oh sure I know they won’t win many votes despite being overqualified in thoughtlessly using other people’s resources, but remember they’re bred to be fat n’ lazy and want lots of ‘DOE’!

I need to be careful however when disparaging deer and equating them to worthless politicians because whenever I leave my house the bucks are now apparently stalking ME and it’s making me paranoid. I mean GEEZ, like Congress wonks, where do these big dumb things hide all day, and then how do they magically show up at night under my mailbox? I’m so sick of coming outside every morning to see my plants stripped naked & then as a bonus several new lawn gnome cannon ball sculptures piled all over the yard? Every day around here feels like April 15th because my life is so TAXING!

Everyone seems curious about the motives of chickens but I want to know why dopey deer can’t show any patience and wait to cross the road, until AFTER I drive by, rather than DART in before? Am I that oblivious or is this the meaningful stuff that we REALLY want solved by our ‘dear’ politicians? After all, we already know they are all experts at laying around chewing over the same old cud forever, but better yet with FOUR equal chambers of governmental digestion, unlike myself, deer have the TRUE STOMACH for politics!