Flip Flop Flap

As you may have guessed I am not a fulsome fan of the flip-flop frenzy. Not only are those ‘ toe-ropers’ hard on your golden arches, but even the most vein and cankle-free feet look homelessly informal, unwashed, and un-loved donning them. Though my fashion sense is even less than the non-cents in my pocket, I still have enough scents to know when a bad fad really stinks!

I mean jolly ‘ol Jesus sold the heel-less sandal thing pretty well over a few thousand years right? So what crafty devil du jour all of a sudden decided to deviate from his I-PODiatrist’s playlist and start jamming to tight ropes in between his toe slopes? Gee when I was a kid I never remember ‘wedgies’ as being the ‘in’ thing and synonymous with breezy-free comfort and stylish good looks.

Why do these shoeless toe-Joes continually subject us to the terrors of their tootsie rolls, and flaunt their nasty callused & corn-covered ‘not-so-hot’ dogs. Believe me Nobody REALLY wants to see how your damp n’ dirty sausages are made. I can’t be the only unflappable fop left in this world who gets his tarsus in a twist or just a wee ‘wittle’ wiggy over the abuse of prodigious pink piggies can I?

Please do me and Dr. Scholls a favor and clamp-on a closed-toe shoe duo to marinate your feet-meat in. There is no better way to hush those unruly puppies and teach them to HEAL than by shoving them into a comfy all-leather kennel to call home. Yes, scuff no more my friends, ’cause it’s high-time to finally flip off those flops and flail freely toward their true-goo calling – Flattening BUGS rather than the balls of your boats!