I wonder who the big bag of gas was that came up with the
idea that money should be referred to as ‘Bread’! It wasn’t any of my corny ilk
since when you live under a troll toll bridge, there are too few opportunities
to make cash except from recycling cans, and overnight reclamation of the
neighbor’s copper plumbing. The only REAL bread that I ever see and retrieve on
a daily basis is those charity crumbs that the pigeons and furry vermin choose
to leave behind.
Who really associates cold hard cash with a yeasty smell, flour,
warm water, and a pinch of salt anyway? Isn’t all that stuff more akin to the
luxuries of prison life rather than the genuine glow of wealth and prosperity? On
second thought, I forgot that I usually have to take out a loan to purchase any
of those ‘artisan’ bakery loaves offered at every overpriced organic snobby
suburban market’. Gee, if Americans aspire to acquire so much ‘bread’ in their
daily lives, I am curious what other kinds of dough the rest of the world rolls
in and informally calls their currency?
I guess the English probably would name their scratch, ‘Muffins’,
though if you pile them high enough they will most certainly add up to a few POUNDS
on their buns. The Israelis might shuck their shekels in favor of the more valuable
and ‘hole-ier’ Bagels, and the poor Italians end up with those throwaway triangle
'crust-backs' bonded to the bottom of greasy pizza boxes. What do you call those
things anyway – maybe ‘I-SAUCE-n’-cheese’ is a good fit that will STICK?
Hmmm, come to think of it, except when I’m ‘Puttin’ on the
Ritz’, I guess savory ‘bread’ is a
better money metaphor than any flaky biscuit or cracker will ever be. After all
I would much rather be a hard n’ crusty ‘breadwinner’ instead of just any ol’ oaf
sitting on his soft-sofa loaf! Regardless, instinctively I have learned to keep
my opinions and SOURdough personality to myself, because when too much of my hot
air escapes rapidly in public, people have a tendency of LEAVENING me alone.
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