Due to my persistent patter that I am disheveled and a bit
of a dust devil when it comes to cleanliness is a tad misleading. It is not
really ME that makes most of the messes around this ape cage, it is those dumb
bunnies who hide under the toe kicks in the kitchen and waft across the floor
at the slightest sneeze of a breeze. I don’t care how much I sweep or suck the
buggers up with a bigger vac duct, they always seem to find a way to multiply
and fly in the face of my hopes for a spic n’ span place.
Hey I know I rarely smell of bleach but that doesn’t mean I
am a fan of competing for floor space with fuzzy baseball-sized amalgams of
intertwined dust and dirt. More than once I’ve suffered a squirt of adrenaline
as one of those darting wind-driven faux-rodents streaks up from behind to fondle
my meaty beat feet. Though I can think of several things more unpleasant caught
aloft surfing on a warm-winded vortex, who wants the comet tail from some linty
lapin always trying to sneakily squeeze that
out of me.
What worries me is given the degree of follicle fleece flying
freely at floor-level, logic would have it that the dust stuff is breeding down there somewhere too. That takes the
suspicious spotlight off of the attic mite-y
mice of course since they typically only come downstairs to watch Tom and Jerry
cartoons while ironing their capes. I also don’t believe my cave-feet are to
blame since I’ve turned to Rogaine and that means the silky long locks of my
ankle-manes have never looked fuller and more alive.
So though I am at a loss as to the creation of this excess
loess, my wife’s judgmental and furtive glances towards my thinning ‘Bowl-Magnon’
cranium have not gone un-noticed. Oh sure my lice have a little less to work
with and mowing the Mohawk takes half the time now, but surely one hairless rat alone cannot be at the root
of this dusty bunny foot ball invasion? Too bad we don’t have a few domestic
pets around since I’m looking for something to blame and take a broom to other
than myself; because it’s times like these that I could sure use a little MORE ‘hare of the dog’!
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