Despite the curmudgeon creases in my cranium cover and sour
glower from my furrowed brow, I like family fun-time eateries I really do. However
even as a much younger ‘Up-chuck Cheese’ buck, my tolerance for the noise and
finger goo generated in such joviality-joints has always been fairly low. Even
the older-oriented arcades, alleys, or skating stink rinks have always been a
challenge to my senses with their chaotic clunks, bumps, and funk gunk at every
turn.
Hey I was lucky enough to raise a kid too so believe me I
know that big noises and stains of all shades can come in very small packages.
But my wife and I did our time in combat and have earned discharges as a ‘childless
R’ Us’ civilians now. My old statue of
limitations ran out long ago on food fights, the blowing up of animals –
balloon or otherwise, and assaults upon unchartered depths of my face holes
with anything other than a self-administered cotton-topped giggin’ pole.
The true problem is that the strife in my loony bin life’s
already akin to being water-boarded with sound and slime but the whine-line
crossed is usually MINE. That’s usually due to the pain of knuckles dragging, heavy
breathing, and incessant grunting - and
that’s just whenever I move between the couch and the kitchen. Understandably
by the time my wife unchains me at night so we can tether together to take in a
hot caloric injection out on the town, I’m
already exhausted over Eustachian tube ringing rancor and shrill shrieks from both
soda jerks and their sprouting
squirts.
I guess that means in the future I should start shunning
those delightful diners which feature a free sundae scoop of ‘FAT gras’ or collections of colorful tot
toys to swallow with any meal purchase? Who knew places like those would
attract legions of little people with large larynxes and icky sticky digits? You
see, brainless, froth-mouthed zombies like myself hunger for family friendly places in which to comfortably congregate as well. Too bad there isn't a place where my wrinkled brethren could find a little more open space that is easy on the ears so the Monks,
mutes, lutes, and ME could comfortably feed in eternal and everlasting peace!
Posts
