I think if there was an Olympic sport for old moldy dudes
who shouldn’t compete in the Olympics then I would be a fierce contender who
would ‘meddle’ in every event even without
trying. Yes it’s tough to be ordinary, un-noticed, and uninspiring but I work
at it hard every day and by all measures I am fairly successful. I am a reasonably
strong Kong and tenacious type but to really take advantage of my tiger-like competitiveness,
donuts, greasy food, or a Cracker Jack prize have to be somewhere in the mix as
a motivator.
One of my primary problems with organized sports is that
they are ‘ORGANIZED’. It just takes too much work (and malt liquor) to find a crew
of athletic inclined homeless people willing to run around and get sweaty for quarters
and halftimes. Even then, the really good ones all have agents that want to
negotiate for shiny new shopping carts and matching t-shirts with the holes and
sweat stains all in the same places.
Frankly the proper footwear for the proper sport has always
been a constant bother for me too since tying shoes has never been my strong
suit. Yes because I make ALL toe-toppers into slippers whether they tie or knot, more than once when bounding after
a ballistic lawn dart I have inadvertently thrown a shoe or two. For ordinary
sports like chasing after cars or dancing with the devil it has never been a
problem, but sometimes after backgammon in a Middle Eastern coffeehouse,
tossing either your shoes or cookies across the room can be seen as a tad
disrespectful.
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