With my wild eyed smile, hobo hair, and lost lemur good looks,
I have never found it a priority to enhance my natural beauty with a lot
eyewash and puffery, since that usually
is my natural state. Oh sure I know the value of skin care by preening
my pores and burnishing my blemishes with a good ol’ loofah licking now and
then. But for sweaty lepers like me, we typically prefer to let nature take its
course and make due with the HAND we’ve been dealt – uh at least … until it drops off.
Realistically I know that most folks feel it necessary to routinely
quarrel with Mother Nature in an effort to kick her to the curb, if not
outright try and finish her off in freeway traffic. Society seems to unreasonably
demand that we all conform to be tick free, look and smell good – that is if we
want to mingle among the masses rather than stay single , a Hun and classless.
For me though it takes far too many LYES, both of the verbal and soapy kind, to
power wash the musty husk from my crusty carcass, so I must improvise to fit
in.
I admit I don’t do well at cosmetic counters and putrid perfumery
gauntlets at the mall anyway. Except for my own beast yeast, I am not a fan at
gagging and gasping for air from a breathtaking bouquet of sweet stink-water or
the over-the-top prices they charge for the stuff. Even if I’m adept at SPF’s
and my skin wreaks with radiance, who cares about another broke troll glowing under
a bridge unless he’s on fire or playing in his own nuclear waste?
So even though I favor my own flavor of homeopathic dermatology,
to save some serious scratch, I keep my wife happily in the pink with store-bought
sticks for her lips along with soldiers of substratum for her lustration. Hey
what’s wrong with saying ‘Hi’ to my own ‘Aloe’ as long as it works on my lard, even
if my personal version of a lip ‘bomb’ has a greasy aftertaste and a bacon
flavored fuse inside. There is one tiny difference though - that ‘feet-cheese’ grater still doesn’t make
my tootsies tingle as GOUDA as they usually do when helping to sharpen up a
fresh homemade block of cheddar in a hot wax bath!
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