I generally am not an envious creature since despite outward
appearances, most people often have more complex and hidden weighty baggage
than even I am able to stuff into my tiny overhead bin. Anyway my life has been
reasonably charmed with good calories, chances, and a Teflon-tempered family willing
to still walk me even when I gurgle, grouse and grumble. So it’s sensible to just stick with my own known
quantity of crazy and slog through a
routine trying not to inadvertently break other people’s stuff or publicly
scratch too vigorously, except when buying lottery tickets.
I will admit though I do gaze upon the neighbor’s ol’ yellow
dog and at times admire his simple, unpretentious and seemingly perfect
existence. Even with all of the positive support surrounding me I still have to
constantly consider consequences and what people may think if I make odd choices
or do unusual things. That’s not the case for that geezer-mutt next door since
he doesn't care about shallow hidden whispers from others on the color of his
coat, his mental acumen, health, and of course the enduring ripeness of his
scent.
It would be great to just dash out to the border of the
front yard, mindful of the underground
shock-wire of course, and gleefully start yelling at door to door
salespeople and politicians who dare approach? Who wouldn’t love the freedom when
they get the urge to purge while on a walk, to just just stop, drop, and wrangle
a rope or two to green up a neighbor’s lawn and lubricate their mower’s wheels.
Life would be a lot easier if I could chew on furniture to brush my teeth, did
not have to wash or even wear clothes, and got to lap up my coffee right from
the floor rather than messing with putting it in a mug first.
Since I reckon I could get through puberty by the age of 2
and on to senior discounts by 3rd grade, even with the whole 7 to 1 aging
thing, clearly a dog’s life is looking pretty attractive to me right now. Despite
that few dogs work for the government, some do have a bad reputation for harassing
postal workers, which I find unbelievable since I’m sure they ALL must be in
the same union. Given the similarity of great lifetime benefits, low and slow
work expectations moving papers from street to stoop, and walking around
unshaven and hairy - how else could you explain it?
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