Thursday, August 22, 2013

Bacon for Turkeys

I have not gotten sucked up into the bacon craze mostly because the real stuff is nearly $5 per pound now. Who can afford to buy or eat a sub-class of meat that is veined with about 75% of fat in the strip and 100% fat in the head of those who buy it. Now don’t get me wrong, just like everyone (except for my wife), I love the taste of some skillet piglet poached in its own juices, I just can’t afford to eat it in more ways than one.

On occasion I will indulge in the turkey strips which are colored to LOOK like a piece of real bacon in drag since we all know what the stuff is trying to be even if it never quite fits the bill.  I still can see the fat draining out of the turkey version but at least there is something comforting about a piece of  flaccid fatty meat that will lay flat instead of curl up and writhe in pain in the pan. Admittedly I think the taste of the ’ fake-on’ has gotten better and at least a little more appealing than those nasty red soy bits, that I shake on my buffet salads.

I started to wonder if turkeys are OK with some of their brethren posing as pigs for profit? I mean isn’t carrying a false ID or passport still a crime in this country, so why do turkeys get a pass to suddenly get to strip n’ swing with the swine?  Believe me just because I was raised by wolves and have been called a turkey more times than I like to admit, I don’t think I am yet ready to embrace my inner pig too.

The good news is that I have a single fist-sized tomato growing on a vine this year. Oh sure it’s still green but it matches my skills as a farmer so we’re even. I figure if I’m lucky enough to corner a herd of turkeys shaped like bacon in the yard, I will be two thirds of the way to a tasty BLT for lunch.  Now if I can just convince the crabgrass to look and taste a little more like lettuce – YUM!