I have not gotten sucked up into the bacon craze mostly
because the real stuff is nearly $5 per pound now. Who can afford to buy or eat
a sub-class of meat that is veined with about 75% of fat in the strip and 100%
fat in the head of those who buy it. Now don’t get me wrong, just like everyone
(except for my wife), I love the taste of some skillet piglet poached in its
own juices, I just can’t afford to eat it in more ways than one.
On occasion I will indulge in the turkey strips which are
colored to LOOK like a piece of real bacon in drag since we all know what the
stuff is trying to be even if it never quite fits the bill. I still can see the fat draining out of the
turkey version but at least there is something comforting about a piece of flaccid fatty meat that will lay flat instead
of curl up and writhe in pain in the pan. Admittedly I think the taste of the ’
fake-on’ has gotten better and at least a little more appealing than those
nasty red soy bits, that I shake on my buffet salads.
I started to wonder if turkeys are OK with some of their
brethren posing as pigs for profit? I mean isn’t carrying a false ID or
passport still a crime in this country, so why do turkeys get a pass to suddenly
get to strip n’ swing with the swine? Believe me just because I was raised by wolves
and have been called a turkey more times than I like to admit, I don’t think I
am yet ready to embrace my inner pig too.
The good news is that I have a single fist-sized tomato
growing on a vine this year. Oh sure it’s still green but it matches my skills
as a farmer so we’re even. I figure if I’m lucky enough to corner a herd of
turkeys shaped like bacon in the yard, I will be two thirds of the way to a
tasty BLT for lunch. Now if I can just
convince the crabgrass to look and taste a little more like lettuce – YUM!
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