I have never quite understood the whole concept of fudge since
I already know what I’m going to get in a box of waxy chocolate so why mess
with converting it into a BIGGER brick of chocolate cut-down to bite-sized
pieces? I mean the stuff sells for $15 per pound or more and all it consists of
is chocolate with a few added nuts, a train car of sugar, and some thickened yellowed
Yak milk. That already sounds like my typical power lunch except I would eat it
for breakfast if the only cooking involved was popping a tart in the toaster.
Typically if I am not speeding fast enough toward Diabetes I
eat pralines when I need a sugar n’ nut gut injection, but I did not have a
Confederate flag or any pecans in the cupboard and the ones in the restrooms
won’t do. I did follow a squirrel around though and managed to dig up enough Walnuts
so I could try a simple fudge recipe for fun. Hey how hard can it be to melt up some choco
goo and spread it to the corners of a buttered pan and try not to leave any
recognizable fingerprints memorialized on top of the surface.
Sadly this vast candy task is apparently above my pay grade
since first, everything is above my pay
grade and second my fudge was a dusty dud. I know I put a bundled bag of
granulated sugar in the beginning but who knew after ‘watts and watts’ of time
wet cooking over a hot stove it would return to its original form except flattened
and patted in a pan. Oh sure it tastes like chocolate with an occasional walnut
thrown in to keep the vermin interested but who eats fudge harvested out of the
business back-end of a vacuum bag?
Betty must be selling a crock because apparently when
cooking to ‘soft ball’ stage she doesn’t mean literally cooking the caloric vat
to regulation softball skin standards. All I know is now I have a gravel pan of
marshmallow laced chocolate brown sugar that looks like something the Easter
bunny dug out of the garden or that fat pink Valentine cherub kid found behind
his ears. Too bad nobody has invented a sugary powder you can add to milk to
make it chocolate flavored … Hmmm - I’m going to look into that!
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