As I age I notice that I have grown more impatient with the
mundane daily tasks of life. Why does society burden oldsters like me with
irritants like depending on our Depends to stay leak-free, shaving daily, or talking
to OTHER people when I am already perfectly happy to talk to myself? It’s not that
my faculties are failing, it’s just when your eyebrows and ear hair turn wiry
and grizzled I thought you were supposed to get a gold badge , bible verse, or ‘Get
out of Jail card’ that lets you act menacingly even if it isn’t Halloween?
Yes the young and dumber demographic wait all year for
October 31st to wear sagging wrinkled expressions and baggy faces when
I can do THAT any day of the week! Since the world is now so politically
correct and sensitive to the needs of every cause and oddball group of goofs, why
aren’t glaring-geezers greeted to a little extra consideration too? Why don’t
WE, the ordinarily drooling, oozing, and oft irritating elders get one day a
year of OUR OWN to emulate mindless and sophomoric tweens?
Maybe for just one day a year I want to be lightning fast on
video games, or if that is too much to ask, at least be reasonably proficient
with my own personal daily game of ‘Call of DUTY’! I like candy as much as any
greasy kidlet, yet every October society panders to our chunky youth by luring THEM to our neighborhoods with the promise of bags and bags of free calories. I
think we, the bald and breathless, deserve equal time, but since a breakout of
acne might kill us I want every school kid to provide me fee-free, Fish Oil
caplets and calcium enriched Milky Amnesia-goo.
I have lived a reasonably clean and moral life so why can’t
a curmudgeon of my experience & efforts get a break, beyond a hip or a rib?
Of course my hairless and hoary bretheren are impatient when every day we put
up with stupid voice-mail menus sporting choices of Spanish or English, when in
actuality we only want to answer that question at Denny’s for our omelets and
muffins. Yes it’s time for my graying ilk to raise our liver- spotted former fists
in arthritic unison and demand equal wrinkled Halloween rights – if for no
other reason than for ‘Old TIMERS sake’!
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