Given the recent wing flap over public television’s
corpulent mellow yellow canary, I think it’s important that I also SEED the
debate with the fact that I love big bulbous birds! Oh sure tiny Hummingbirds can
be fun too when gently juiced-up and riding the RedBull rush, though ask any
hornet - generally the bigger the winged-thing, the bigger the buzz. Yes, I’ll always
be a fan of the prodigious Peregrine or Pelican, but will never go for a little
Lark, Thrush or Finch, except of course, in a pinch.
You can leave your wimpy wild feed and sunflower seeds for
the Chickadees and benched ball players please. You see I am a blimp-sized
color-blind birder without a hidden agenda or a politically correct hungry
hollow bone in my body. I along with my favorite bulky feathered brethren are
meat-eater ‘beakers’ happily hatched to strut our stuff far better than those
skinny itty-bitty girlie-birdies sitting pretty in my palm.
Real tough and rough around the rump Pterodactyl Bills like
me obviously don’t eat quiche quietly. Yes me and my RAVENous routines may
ruffle a few rectrices now and then when I stalk my birdie brood. So tell me
why it’s wrong when I pull my porky plumage to the side of the road and gawk at
Hawks as they menace mousey mice or ogle at Eagles retrieving meaty beagles for
brunch.
Since it’s obvious that I’m part Turkey and, more often than
not, a little Chicken too, my basted and baked-in opinion of brawny birds of a
feather should not be misconstrued. I am actually an equal opportunity
bird-brain of PREY (though not religious) that believes size does matter and
bigger is indeed better. Principles aside I do make one exception to this rule though.
While those classy monster Geese, Flamingos, and Swan are dandy art when
plastically perched upon my lawn, when it comes to their REAL beak-breather
bros – if they fly over to DECORATE my car, my preference tends to the tiny!
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