Thursday, June 26, 2014

Signpost Suggestions

No matter where I go in this great country I continually have one pet peeve which is consistent from sea to salty sea. No I am not whining about fat cat politicians or just fat cats in general, it’s that I don’t ‘get’ why all the street names in every city are named the same. Oh sure ‘Main’ is ok for a name and City administrators like to prove they can count so I can see a First street up through Three but after that, it’s high time to find unique and better names for our dull mailbox-laden streets.

I am not sure why it is so hard to find memorable and creative names for streets when all one has to do is crack the fridge for a slew of good Nouns along with a bonus pungent whiff of overripe fruit. What bar-b-que weekend warrior wouldn’t relish the chance to live at the intersections of ‘Catsup and Mustard’, ‘Mayo and ‘Mato’ or ‘Chips n’ Salsa’? What’s wrong with changing a flat by ‘Monterey Jack’ and ‘Colby’ or navigating by nasal to the dump in-between ‘Limburger Lane’ and ‘Roquefort Road.

Since we are all fired up about healthcare these days, why not get the drug manufacturers in on the fun and let them pay royalties to advertise their offerings. I think even if I sucked up plenty of Vitamin D and calcium in a sunny city, I still would be comfortable with speed-walking at the corner of  ‘Boniva Boulevard and Osteoporosis’.  I doubt if old dudes would have much trouble populating a singles condo complex at ‘Via Viagra’ and ‘Cialis Court’ but I’m not sure if the address would be popular with the macho college set.

We should think about more honest signage as well so why shouldn’t every place have a ‘Potential Death Drive’ or the meandering but easily explainable Colorado byways of ‘POThole’, ‘POTpourri’, and the ever-risky ‘POTshot’. So how hard is it to come up with some fresh names other than ‘Oak’, ‘Lake’, and ‘Hill’ – just seek out the most inspiring and creative places you can. In my case I just head to my favorite ‘thinking’ spot where I do my BEST work to come up with signpost suggestions like, ‘Throne, Plunger, and Can-DOO Avenue’!