Thursday, July 12, 2012

Can Can Man

I was pondering a container of spaghetti fluid in my cupboard and wondered “why is that can bigger than most of the others in my pantry – then again maybe it was for the car’s brakes? When we eat Italian food in our mud hut, we always put some kind of store-bought red sugary tomato goo all over it  but it usually ruins the CANnoli. Regardless I always seem to end up with just about a quarter of the can left destined for the fridge. You remember those containers don’t you – they are the ones with the botulism black crusty tops that you keep for three weeks just to threaten your family with if pushed too far. 

Conversely, when I spoon chunky soup paste from a condensed can, I am always left wanting for more since there is rarely any left after my Sunday afternoon ‘bean n’ bacon’ spa facial. While the French tend to have more properly sized cans than AmeriCANS, we still need to do something about the way they pronounce Cannes. Regardless of nationality, who in their right mind would pronounce common words and forget to say their ‘S’? In fact you’d have to be sitting ON your can wasting away on some deserted iSland or out of the way place like a Midwest debriS field in ArkansaS or IllinoiS to forget use a perfectly good ‘S’.

Apparently I need to have a CANtankerous chat with whoever’s in charge over in Paris regarding these deeply troubling Can-Can issues. We can start with the proper sizing of people’s cans because clearly I received more than my fair share already. Let me assure you, unless they’re a plumber, nobody is going to want to see my high-kick chorus-line dancing if the ‘junction’ behind my petticoat is showing. Oh well at least I have a ‘Can-do attitude’ but. I don’t know about you, but even if I got a free case of ‘can-DO’ with or without the ‘tude, I wouldn’t eat it. Ok, I’m lying, I WOULD eat it with a leftover Spagh. Sauce chaser … and uh, you can leave the CAN!