Given just the accidental food palette of mucilaginous
messes that I retrieve nightly from my bib alone, I’m amazed at the number of
ways I can stick stuff together when I really want to. Oh sure Superglue is the
top glutinous glop fastener but it’s too expensive to eat so I stick with paste
for most meals. My wife prefers I give Gorilla goo its due since it better
befits my personality, monkeyshines, and bad habits of breaking ‘hard to glue
things’ like bread and wind.
Since they take so long to grow, I rarely nail anything
except for the flies that try to ride astride my hide. I prefer using screws
whenever possible if working with dense wood - though it’s true as I've been
accused, that a few have come loose in my head. Though I’m good at stringing
people along, I was never a Boy Scout so I am not skilled at tying knots except
in extension cords, earbud cables, and mobile phone charging dongles.
I flip over staples instead of clips because even though I
like trigger clicks, I prefer lots o' butter
over guns, especially if I have to store them for long periods of time. Zip tied
bread bags and those fancy ZipLoc leftover storage sacks are useful as hats, but
often they make me breathless and blue when diving for snacks. Sadly breaks
in pipes won’t disappear even when I try transparent tape instead of solder, so
I usually use the opaque duct stuff to do the job yet oddly the mend still leaks
water.
Is it any surprise that I’m vexed by Velcro especially when it comes
to keeping my shoes on tight during shock therapy and my white jacket straight
and linty free? Zippers, Pins, and Clasps can be helpful too but more often
get hung-up or de-railed instead of doing their job – I guess I need a more detached attorney firm. Since I push them so often, clearly buttons still fastenate me for shirts and Polo tops, but I despise them on
garments further down South since they ‘pop’ n' drop at inopportune times and often cause mouths to DROP!
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