Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Meat Pop-tarts?

There are probably very few things on earth that can beat Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts. No I am not talking about debatable good taste or nutritional content. Even as a life-long fan, I will acknowledge that there are better choices for breakfast (like ANYTHING else). But when you sit back and look at the ‘tarty’ foil-packed pastries objectively, you should be in awe of one of the greatest ‘filling’ delivery systems the world has ever known.

Yes Pop-Tarts since 1964 (history linked here) have set the standard for grab-n-go slabs of flavored ‘goo’ when eating time is at a premium. They currently offer better than two dozen individual flavors and caloric combinations to meet any snacking need. The problem is as I see it, that Kellogg’s has only focused their attention on sugary sweet breakfast ’snack-stuffings’ rather than food-fillings of substance. We Americans, nee the world, are hungry for portable REAL foods to juggle while driving our cars - or at least help balance our hectic schedules.

Why hasn’t Kellogg’s patriotically stepped up to the plate with “Flesh-Tarts” or “Meat-Pops”. I know the names still need a little work and surely in prudish States, they will be illegal or highly regulated. But everybody would love to meet the maker of an on-the-go, toaster-ready, meat-treat right? Just look at how many cultures have already devised ways to wrap up chunks of protein into breads, pasta, or fried coatings, yet America’s representation is sadly lacking.

The Slavs have their meat 'Kolaches' but oddly it took the Texans to doll them up with Jalepeno. Go ahead and just try to pass over a fresh steamed bun or Spring egg roll at your local Asian buffet. The Mexicans tout their tamales with fervent pride. The Italians fill their Raviolis with meat and cheeses, but only the health-conscious folks of St. Louis would dare toast those ‘Ravs’ to a golden brown, in oil and bread crumbs. The Poles call their stuffed pasta 'Perogies' and the Saudi’s make a version with lamb called ‘Sambousa’. And of course, who can forget Sweeny’s favorite British meat pie crafted by hand (and foot and …).

So finally those Tea-party folks have a cause that all of America can get behind since nothing goes down better with a ‘Meat-Tart’, than a tall frosty glass of sun tea. Now is the time to make a principled stand. We cannot allow other cultures to continue to dominate the stuffed-meat market any longer – America is demanding change. I for one am confident that our country’s superior pastry prowess will FILL the need, and our entrepreneurial spirit will MEAT the challenge.

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