Buffy: “Oh look at this in our recipe book, Muffy. A CHEESE BALL! Why don’t you read it to me and I’ll follow your instructions?”
Muffy: “Goody! Gimme the book. OK, now first roll up some cheese into a ball."
Buffy: “I’ve got the cheese in a ball. What next?”
Muffy: “Now it says to crush some nuts very fine, pick up the cheese ball and roll in them.”
Buffy, minutes later: “OK Muffy. I’m all covered with nuts. Now what do I do?”
Apologies to all the blondes who are not dumb. I know one who is actually brilliant, wise, and, in fact, knows everything about me -- even things that aren’t true. Are you reading this, wifey dear? Is it safe for me to come out of my room?
But since I subjected my readers to that, I will reward them with a real recipe. All that nut-crushing made me think of one of my favorite treats. Maybe yours too. Those great PAYDAY® candy bars. If I can’t chance having Buffy I’ll take one of those sweet things rolled in nuts.
I always like Paydays, even as a kid. But I learned to respect them in the Army. They were the only candy bar that wouldn’t melt in your pocket or pack on a long, hot march. I even slept in a pup tent and did a “Buffy thing” by rolling over on one in my pocket during the night. Good as new. We weren’t allowed to bring candy on maneuvers and guys who showed chocolate stains soaking through their pockets got in trouble. Not us with our Payday contraband!
Now here is your BONUS RECIPE. Just for putting up with my tasteless, sexist, blondist (?) joke. Well, not tasteless!
HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHEAP, FAKE “PAYDAY” CANDY!
Payday candy bars too big and expensive lately? Too many calories? But no problem for you! Now recreate almost the taste you love whenever you get the urge. HERE IS HOW:
Candy Corn is mainly the same mixture and taste as the inside of a Payday®. And any peanuts taste like any other peanuts, as long as your pet puppy or raccoon has not licked them. So you simply mix both together. (The candy corn and peanuts -- not the puppy and raccoon.) Use either plain or salted peanuts as to your taste. Combine the two fixins in whatever percentage tastes like the real, good old-fashioned Payday you are too cheap to buy.
Note: to make them into shapes like candy bars, you will have to do something like Muffy was reading, minus the “body roll.” Otherwise, just eat this mix by the handful. Either way you are set to enjoy even SMALL PAYDAYS!!!