Friday, December 10, 2010

Witless and Wrapless

I cannot seem to get into the swing of Christmas this year. No I am not depressed or stressed over time or finances. In fact I have a pretty easy life except for that getting up out of bed and having to feed and drive myself around thing. If I could solve those last couple of issues, I could finally achieve a total slovenly existence like Santa for 364 days a year.

I guess I have reached the age where I really don’t need anything, so wandering from store to store looking for gifts is less than thrilling. I used to love looking at all the ads in the newspaper and now whenever I look at the newspaper its physically diminutive size distracts me from the pleasure of the Christmas ads. That little type in newspapers is ALREADY too small – why do they continue shrinking the newspapers?

Wrapping gifts also used to be a real treat for me. I would spend hours trying to find ways to hide goodies in unsuspecting everyday objects. I once sawed a tomato soup can in half after steaming off the label. I proceeded to scoop out the goop, fill it with a gift card, sand, and padding to the EXACT weight listed on the can, and re-glue the label. That takes a lot of work and artistry for a gift which will spend only a fraction of its life under wraps and in the food pantry.

Just to see if I could, I made a three layer postcard with the center layer cut out for a dollar bill. When the whole thing was sandwiched together, ironed and trimmed, it just looked like an ordinary postcard. I mailed it off to my family. They received it fine, but were unwilling to destroy the card to retrieve the hidden money in the interior of the card. I should have used a three layer cake instead - funny how everyone seems to tear those apart without remorse?

These days I am lucky if I even want to mess with decorative wrapping paper since I hate storing the stuff for every specialized holiday. I think it would be just easier to get some barrio taggers to spray paint all over gifts before I give them to the recipients. I recently decided that a dark RED plastic Target bag was so opaque, it would prove BETTER than any old flimsy wrapping paper. So I cut it up and dressed the Christmas booty in it. Except for my Dad’s Christmas honoraria, wrapped in crossword puzzles and funnies – I think those Target-bag wrapped gifts are sure to be better READ than anything from our scrawny rag of a newspaper!


  1. I love the creative post card. I can't believe Christmas is in 2 weeks!

  2. Dude...I still haven't put up my tree...and I don't feel like it, either.

    I, too...have everything I need, and just about everything I want - so the thrill of getting the perfect gift is just - well - not there anymore, I guess.

    Now I can just hope for world peace...but I know that is never going to happen. *sigh*

  3. We are betting your Dad is good at those
    puzzles you send him.
    After all, he must have learned to solve really
    complicated ones by raising you!
    Lucky he (and we) find puzzles like you so
    But if Christmas is at a low ebb, you should still be really glad to be rid of this year.
    Wishing us all a better one on the next calendar

  4. I absolutely LOVE that you measured the weight of that can filled with sand and a gift card so it matched the original weight exactly. That is hilarious! You are so funny! :)