Thursday, July 7, 2011

A Dirtier moniker

After nearly a third of a sesquicentennial of living and irritating other people’s spider senses, I have decided that I need a gritty nickname. Yes, before I make that final belly-flop into a shallow worm-ridden mulchy grave, I need some kind of hip ‘callsign’ and an icy-hot image.I think having a ‘too cool drug mule’ moniker is a necessity if I ever end up in a 6 X 9 foot cell with other amoebae, compare scars with Topless Gun pilots, or become a rap music star with a toothy, gold grill!

You see, I got kind of jealous recently when I sour-noted a concert line-up of noisy music dudes named ‘N. E. Yo, Pitbull, and T. Pain” performing for a morning TV show. Not a plain vanilla, Anglo-Saxon grunt name to be shared among them. So obviously to be ‘phatter’ than I already am I’ll need to combine some USDA choice meaty nouns with at least one initial. So where do I go to register a sheik hipster image like those music guys and what government agency is responsible for taxing society’s patience?

Are there any official pre-requisites for my new responsibilities and image as a self-involved ‘blogga’-gangsta’ idol? Maybe I need The Donald’s whispy locks, Mickey’s oversized ear buds, or a Hitler ‘half-stash’ to dress up the rebel ‘tude? I was hoping the warehouse-mirror sunglasses, ‘finger thickin’ good’ gold chains, and beltless n’ baggy pants were good enough to make a splash in today's modern blue gene pool?

Now admittedly I am kind of a ‘dough-so-soft’ wimp, so for my new image I should probably shy away from the calloused and brawny, testosterone belching, smelly-man ‘nom de fumes’. I was however thinking that I do happen to know my way around buckets of butter pretty well, so maybe a catchy caloric name like “I.M. Greezy.” or “Tubb E.” would fit the BILL? No rush though; I still have time to hone my future edgy, bad-dog, blogging moniker. I am lucky since I have a few years stock of my current library bookplates and the laundry labels my Mom used to sew in my CAMPground skivvies – ‘Der T. Drawers’!


  1. Ha you're such a bad boy....NOT!!! How about The Monoblog Man instead!

    Your so funny!!

  2. That is the scarier picture I have ever seen! You are definitely dirtier than T Pain or Lil Wayne.

  3. I am so distracted, between that picture you posted and your twitter feed on the

  4. Kids on the playgrounds can always become
    inventive enough to supply any number of
    dirty, rotten nicknames. And the poor li'l tykes
    get accused by their teachers of being
    "lazy thinkers."
    PS -- either dump your Mom's summer-camp underwear labels or dump those skivvies!
    (Funny blog! Made us feel really clean. Thanks.)


  5. I suggest a play on "Camp". "Happy Camper" sounds too nice. Maybe "Fire Camp" since you like flames in you pic.

  6. My little white girls all have rapper nicknames they've given themselves. Things with Dawg and Dizzle. Now, you've gotten me thinking, too. Hmmm... Something about Saggy.

    Good luck with yours!

  7. Ha! I can see you becoming really famous with a name like Der T. Drawers! It sounds like you get your wit from your mom?