A Quibble over Kibble

I know that it’s been hot because I’m shedding more these days and my doghouse has the odor of a lot more than Febreeze. It’s ok since when my tum’s toasty, I tend to eat a lot less junk like cauliflower and cantaloupe and keep my belly brim-full with carbs, candy and K-mart calories. I know it’s wrong to fall to the siren song of the market’s pet food aisle, though at times it’s hard to back my beak off from its heavenly scent when hungry for a late night meat treat.

Other than myself, no foaming mouthed rabid animals actually live in my pound, but that doesn’t mean I am restricted from giving pet food the sniff test and a welcomed pause for the ‘Schnozz’ does it? Honestly, INSIDE the store at least, why does the dog n’ cat stuff smell so much better than that turkey stuffing that we humans are expected to eat? It is obvious that those ‘Pup-eroni’ meat sticks already LOOK yummy and more fun to gum than the ‘Slim Jims’ for dummies, but what’s really frustrating is why do they have to cost half the price too?

To this day I cannot open a can of corned beef hash and not think of a double dose of Mighty Dog. You know if the stuff looks and smells EXACTLY the same, it has to taste the same too right? Who needs fancy pate’ at parties when my guests can coat their crackers in a heaping helping of Fromms or other gourmet goody foody for pets and be just as happy. 

Let’s face it, if fancy folks are dumb enough to eat tripe in soup, roe on toast, and endure ‘liverWORST’ sandwich breath then they have no right to turn their nose up to my Milkbone when I flash it in their face. I have simple tastes and IAMS the first to admit that the vast majority of them are ‘Honey Boo Boo’ BAD, but there should be nothing wrong with loving a little nip n’ whiff of Purina in the morning. After all I can accept that people will always quibble over my kibble, but for society’s sake it would be well advised to steer clear and let me be, with a personal choice of body shampoo for my ticks and fleas!