Thursday, January 17, 2013

Toss Your Cookies Carefully

Like my underwear, I too am slightly imperfect and inelastic, so it is not for me to judge why hurried thoughtless people do what they do. I know folks are busy, routine driven, and rarely care anymore about time tested and TRUE philosophies like ‘Don’t speak until you’re spoken FOR’ or ‘Mind over PLATTER’. Still, when it comes to the really important choices in life like ‘paper or plastic’, ‘regular or decaf’ or where is the best place to ‘TOSS your cookies’, I expect a tad more care and respect from my fellow man. 

Around my ape cage for example, cookies are a celebrated semi-sweet staple and major food group which cannot be eclipsed. It really doesn’t matter if my ‘flour-y friends’ are frosted, sandwiched, soft, waffled, or bagged. All races and creeds of cookies are revered and treated to a place of prominence in my air sealed, compacted, and vessel-lined junk-food vault. Whatever leftovers I haven’t EATEN, end up perfectly organized in a crumb and saliva-free cabinet that my wife swabs down and secures shut like a greedy Keebler elf in a hollow tree.

Many thoughtless cretins on the other hand simply throw their Nabisco’s au naturel’ into some kind of ugly bust of a ceramic cookie crypt. Not only are those poor mistreated sweet choco treats chipped, abused, and subjected to ‘crumb-y’ accommodations; but who wants the harried and unwashed hanging over and handling my favorite discus desserts with disrespectful disregard? Further who decided it was an appetizing adventure to yank ol’ Santa’s or Mother Hubbard’s noggin off willy nilly to extract their internals for a random after school snack.

How can this obvious kookie cookie abuse continue to go on unchallenged, unchecked and unchanged from generation to generation? I don’t pull your pets from their filthy cages and immediately subject them to extreme temperature ‘waterboarding’ in a hot carafe of coffee or mug of chilled milk do I? Today’s society needs to think more and dunk a little less when it comes to drowning  our lowest of the lowly cookie’s sorrows merely as a dalliance of dairy delight or ‘cream-between’ guilty pleasure. 


  1. Why do we call them cookies anyway?
    They aren't cooked, like burgers and stuff,
    they're BAKED.
    Why don't we call them "Bakies?"


  2. I never face this problem as I eat the whole bag of cookies as soon as I get it into the house.

  3. Cookies go quickly here and it would be waste of time to place them in container unless to be hidden for future events.