Thursday, November 14, 2013


Despite a half century of ignoring my bod pod’s potential, somehow my elephant hide has unapologetically endured omnivore food abuse without major malady or a corn kernel of care. I have always had good intentions of leading a healthier lifestyle and shunning pig ribs in favor of long tongs for salad, but somehow when my gut rumbles, my brain is blocked and my mouth unhinges for ‘imMEATiate’ input. Actually any kind of caloric consumption is crackerjack to me but my tastes tend toward the salty rather than the sweet so lining my pockets with jerky instead of Jello makes for a lot less messy snacking.

I do not necessarily shun greens however most of the ones I come in contact with are growing on the inside of refrigerator Tupperware and don’t seem particularly appetizing. If I’m going to sneak a salad, I prefer the least nutritional Iceberg lettuce as a base laced with some sliced turkey or cubed ham and a drizzle of dressing. While small sprigs of spinach are ok too, I don’t consider those giant multi-colored leafy rabbit patch greens, flapping and fanning while I struggle to stuff my mullet gullet, face-friendly or fun to eat. 

To spice up my droll personality and aging geezer sneezes I eat a lot of red pepper flakes in soup and on just about everything else except cold cereal and warm ice cream. Hot salsa pairings too are a staple in our dust-hut (except oddly on eggs) though it makes the paperclips jealous when eating behind their wiry little backs. I don’t shy away from fried buffets, but doughnuts and greasy foods in general won’t make my top ten hit list even though most other breads, baked goods, and pies in the face do.    

Cheese appeal is probably this clown’s real Achilles heel to high n’ mighty long term health, since I like it cubed, curdled, shredded, or sliced on anything or anywhere I feel free to stuff it.  Soon if I don’t want to be buried in a digital piano case though, I’ll have to curb that bad habit along with a hundred other fiber faux-pas and blender close calls. On second thought though, I could remain a true blue, red, white, and yellow, ballooning ‘carnival-vore ‘ fellow and continue to face life as a giant side show curiosity. At least then, I’ll never go hungry since I can always pick- up a few extra rupees for quick lookies under my BIG tent!


  1. From that carnival picture it looks as if you won the
    mud-pie eating contest FACE DOWN !!!
    But yes, you could start eating clleaner
    foods than mud pies. But the Surgeon General
    has never once condemned eating mud. Bon Apetit !!!

  2. Dark chocolate is a health food now, so I think I'm okay. I make sure I eat enough to be very very healthy.