Though the weather has been turning cooler, the last time I checked it still said September on most calendars except for apparently the ones in ALL stores that sell the things. Can it be that my beady peeps are deceiving MEeps or is Halloweeny’s orange and black getting devil-horned in on by Christmasy red and green. Like that weird spiced ice cream with pie chunks at Dairy Queen, this odd combo thing must be a seasonal fad because last year I saw the same color palette except it was all growing on my shriveled, month-old, rotting pumpkin.
Since both of us have never liked crunches or sticky situations, I am not sure how candy canes or I am going to handle the seasonal food and confections situation with all this new age celebratory melding. It takes a big brained elf with waxy lips, and popcorn balls in hand to be able to comprehend and consume ‘toasted pumpkin seeds’ and choco Chanukah gelt all in the same month of the year. I already knew that Frosty was keeping warm by dipping in the cider more often than proper but I never guessed that batty Drac had tuned his toothy straws toward the tannenbaum taste of holiday nog.
I’m all for doubling up colorful calendar red lettered days like Black Friday and White sales, as long as you leave my birthday out of it since I already have all the wrinkles and wisdom I can stand. You can also skip two-timing delivering the letters of any color from the greeting card people since at $5 a pop, they have obviously ALREADY doubled down on their prices, lack of creativity, and hackneyed double entendres. At least glossy cards can do double-duty over email in one sense by doubling my toilet paper stash – though they never seem as soft or absorbent as the bevy of monthly mailed bills do.
Since I typically give out cookies that taste like dog treats anyway, my fireplug and I are actually looking forward to the Wolfman visiting on Halloween dressed as a harried Keebler Elf this year. To get in the combo spirit and if the caribou union will allow it, maybe even ol’ St. Nick himself could slip in a few flying monkeys with the reindeer train this December. Of course only as long as everyone is well mannered, fling-free, and adequately diapered - since due to inflation, Santa’s oversized red bag doesn’t hold as much stuff as it used to.