Thursday, November 13, 2014

Green Sleeves n' Shelves

It’s usually a bad idea whenever I explore my drawers regardless if I do it in the bedroom closet vanity or in the back of the refrigerator. While I can usually control what goes and grows into the underwear or socks, I really never know what I am going to find fascinatingly fetid inside the fridge. Oddly beyond the rainbow of colored Tupperware containers (both inside and out) and the Rorschach jelly and gravy shelf-blots it was something very GREEN yet very ordinary which caught my eye.

From dairy to berries everything in that ice box had some kind of cutesy label or attempt at a memorable marketing catch-phrase to grab what’s left of my aging and fleeting attention span. That makes sense for foods that are grocery store shiny and trying to sell me on their merits before I check-out – (more than ordinary anyway). However once the stuff has been fermenting freely on frigid racks for weeks I use my snout more than my cerebrum when deciding what’s good to eat rather than what smells like feet.

So that frees up a smattering of what’s left of my grayish mattering to think about really important worldly topics like, is ‘Farm Fresh’ really the best marketing term for the food lurking in our refrigerators. I already felt that the household dairy staples of ‘Sour Cream’ and ‘Cottage Cheese’ sound like stuff that might have parked inside a cow too long. But I have to guess that it has been quite a while since any of these Mad Ave Ad geniuses have taken a big country whiff on a truly fresh farm lately. 

I’m not a fan of ‘restaurant quality’ marked items either since I guess stuck-up true foodies aren’t apparently eating in the same bottom-dollar vinyl buffet booths that I slide my coverall-covered rump into. You can also save your snooty ‘sea salt’ for someone who sympathizes because word has it - THAT stuff comes from the same place where fish go to the bathroom.  Hmm, that fact alone makes me now question the origins of that ice cold, green-sleeved Mountain Dew I dream to ‘DO’; clearly before ‘downing’ I’d better wash my mouth out with a little soap, or better yet . . . a lot of alcohol!


  1. Something FETID in your fridge???
    If it's even stronger it might become
    something FERAL...if it can survive in cold
    temps like most of the USA can.
    But why wash out your mouth with soap when you
    can wash it out with SOUP?

  2. Most food comes from questionable origins. That's why I prefer an all chocolate diet.