Saturday, March 20, 2010

Burgers Three not for ME!

I have lived a reasonably honorable life. Unlike the ACLU, I don’t run around demanding respect for every little thing that marginally rubs me the wrong way. But lately, just because I don’t have the physique of say 2 or 3 runway supermodels all squished together, these burger joints are starting to bug me.

After a really long work day, my wife and I agreed that I would stop and pick up some food which we could eat at home. So as nice as you please, I popped into our local McDonalds and ordered 2 Big N’ Tasty burgers, 1 regular hamburger, and an order of chicken strips. The girl behind the counter was efficient and got the order in quickly. I always order something non-standard like ‘without mayonnaise’ for my fast food so as to ensure it is freshly made.

While we waited for the hot cow to grill, the kid made herself busy managing her cash drawer. Then suddenly the clerk looks up at me as if she had forgotten something and asks “ For here or to go?” I kind of look sheepish and begin to shift my weight nervously between both feet. I am at a loss for words to the simple query since I am conspicuously alone in the vacant restaurant. I look around trying to give the girl a hint, or any kind of a clue that I’m obviously a ‘To Go’ order!

My elephant sized ego was bruised, or maybe that was my girth? Have I grown so beyond the limits of social norms that now, society EXPECTS that I must be eating vast quantities of food; and worse IN FRONT OF PEOPLE? I mean my order was not only for ‘dinner for two’ but also an extra burger for my wife’s lunch the day as a surprise bonus. Even if I was a walking Whale and going to try and stuff 3 meals worth of food into my blowhole, I would have the decency to do it locked away, behind closed doors, in the safe harbor of my own home.

So as I exited the place with two bags – one in each hand, I thought … “ Hmmm – yeah it MIGHT be possible, but is it RIGHT?”, then I came to my senses. Even if I do have the physique of SEVERAL combined supermodels , stuffing 3 burgers down would make me diet like supermodels too; praying to the great god of porcelain – “Hurley McBuick”!

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