Monday, October 4, 2010

Vampires say - ‘Hold the Mayo Clinic’

Am I the only one that hates the ‘Mayo Clinic’ as a name? I never quite get the association between superior quality medical care and high-fat deli spreads. This is supposed to be one of the best medical think tanks in the entire country but whenever I hear references to the Mayo clinic I only THINK of bologna.

I kind of have this same problem with another medical heavyweight entity named ‘Johns Hopkins’. Shouldn’t this place be associated with ‘Hopscotch’ or drive-thru porti potties rather than quality medical care? What would be really terrific if these institutions ever merged into “John Mayo” – now that is a company that could revolutionize the public toilet seat covering industry! If nothing else it would finally explain the age old mystery why restrooms so often smell like rotten eggs.

I know I should not get all hung up on names and try to be more flexible and open to change. I should probably just quietly drink the Kool-aid and join the modern generation where anything and everything goes. After all who cares what a name implies as long as the end result is quality goods or services. It’s just when it comes to hospitals, toilets, and food, these are the mysteries in life that I really want to know what I am getting BEFORE I venture beyond the swinging door.

Anyway who am I to judge, maybe good food and hospitals have gotten a bad rap all of these years? Apparently a group of alcohol pad-sucking Latvian doctors must think so, as they have now even taken high-class gourmet hospital cuisine to whole new level. Honestly, I think even those Transylvania vampires, 500 miles to the south of Latvia, are too chicken to sink their teeth into the ‘Sweeney Todd-esque’ kidney pie or blood sausage. No, like ALF, I think modern vamps prefer a big ol’ bowl of ‘CAT scan’ but of course - don’t forget to hold the Mayo!


  1. Worse. It's JOHNS Hopkins. Who the heck put the unnecessary "s" on JOHN anyway? Maybe he wanted a cool name like Mayo, but tried a little too hard.

    Hospital food. BLECCCH. You've gotta be sick to eat it....bwaaahaahaa.

  2. At least they had the decency to use mayo instead of miracle whip.

  3. I LOVE my hospital food.

    I even strangle other patients then take their food and go hide in a corner and eat it.

    I hope the food is as good when I am transferred
    out of this mental institution.