Streetwalker Mission

Despite my Yeti proportions and head-kettle full of noodle soup, I actually do leave the silo once in awhile to walk the streets. No I’m not looking for handouts or willing to worky for jerky yet, but that’s not because I’m too proud, it’s just because I’m too lazy! I am not averse to an occasional recreational opportunity to exercise my spare tires; however usually when my Dr. SOLES are stuffed to the brim with yeasty pink piggies, it is for genuine bipedal locomotion not a random troll stroll.

What always amazes me on these treks, is regardless of duration, at least one oily 'Bondo-mobile' full of toothless youth will roar by giggling and shouting in hopes of garnering my glower. I know it’s rare to see a foot-dragging, sweaty blog-zombie by daylight. But honestly other than the eagle nesting in my uni-brow and that Green Mile movie, I don’t understand the real entertainment value of heckling a dead man walking?

In my two footed travels, I have observed that humankind also seems to DIG digging. I mean on every corner, somebody or some machine is piling up a healthy pyramid of dirt and rock with an inverse hole to match. I’m sure it’s all important stuff and way above my Google Adsense pay-grade, but honestly what is so devilishly interesting down there that you can’t already find up here?

I mean we’ve cornered the market on Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and word has it, even GOD himself has signed a long term contract with over 80% of the world’s faithful. So what’s all this fuss to uncover one more hot n’ horny, fiery-tempered devil when our high schools are already overflowing with them? If we were smart we would try harder to bury the skeletons in our collective closet instead of exposing our impressionable MINERS to even more dirt!

Though TRASHY is an ever-present adjective associated with street walkers, I can happily say that due to recycling efforts these days, I finish off a lot fewer brew bottles and cat food cans while touring on my tootsies. Oh sure the obligatory paper cups and fast food wrappers are still bountiful, however they prove useful as bread crumb trails when hunting down a mystery 'beast-eatery' for a meaty grease feast. But I’ll always remember my primary shoe-cruise mission is to keep my peds in their KEDs and clean the streets while dodging the dangers of CRACK – after all my mother’s BACK is depending on it!