Techno CAR-ma

While robots and I spend lots of quality time together and I DO whisper sweet nothings into an Android on a regular basis, I’m not a fan of these new cars that parallel park by themselves. Honestly, I don’t know about you, but first off who HAS to park this way anymore on a regular basis? It would be one thing if I had to parallel park daily or even once a week around small children wearing big orange cone-headed caps; but for occasional activities like personal hygiene which I do annually or orally, why pay for fancy options?   

I also don’t remember where on my insurance policy that I listed the car as its OWN driver? Why should I take on all the risk and responsibility to park these cars if THEY are the ones incurring the liability now? If my car wants to do something nice for me automatically why doesn’t it try changing its oil, ‘honking’ my ‘horny’, or  better still, picking the bugs out of its own grill for a change.

I might be more open to a vehicle that parks itself if the simple technology already in my car worked well 100% of the time. Except for when my window squirters fall-off and shoot innocent bystanders, a simple skip of a CD or an occasional wrong turn directive barked by a GPS, usually doesn’t hurt anyone. But I’m guessing if my sensors turn senseless and my car’s ‘puter-parker brain burps over the by-and-by, my attempts at a ‘parallel  plunge’ near the South rim of the Grand Canyon COULD become more akin to ‘bye bye’!  

I know I know it’s just my bad, technology car-karma coming back to haunt me again. I guess if the birds, bugs and I kept our Wite-out to ourselves and treated cars with more respect in the first place, they wouldn’t strike back with skid marks n’ mistakes so much. Maybe I should just get with the modern times and learn to be more accepting and progressive about our car’s ‘right to drive’ itself. Ok, I’ll think about it, but if the that bolt-bucket starts burning rubber to promote the unholy marriage between gas and electric drivetrains – that’s where I’m gonna’ draw the line!