Thursday, February 27, 2014

Animal Noises

Despite my reputation as a bloated bellower, I tend to equate my natural animal state with that of a more mellower fellower. Oh sure I ‘caw’ loudly back at the ‘bird police’ when they beak the peak of my head while poking around nests, but how else am I and my raccoon raider DNA supposed to eat or entertain guests? Even fat raptors like owls  and me give a ‘hoot’ once in awhile after a big meal, but overall our noise impact is pellet-sized puny and slim like an eel.

In today’s times though, my Dino breed must be dying off since good, bad, happy, and sad sounds all assault the bones closest to my cochlear like a clamorous triceratops spear to the ear. What fat squirrels like me can’t see is a peaceful stroll in the park anymore without somebody’s radio pumping and thumping with a cacophonous roar. Clearly the world is gone deaf and have turned up the juice to my dismay; my Dumbo flaps have had more than their limit so I plug and cover them with hair every day.

Even the fan in the bath blows more blitzkrieg ‘buzz’ than it quietly sucks and why is the wind so pushy and sounds like Mack trucks. My only considerate neighbors are the squirrels, worms, and deer who are particularly quiet when seen flat from my car’s rear mirror. Too many sounds from cars, planes, or beasts; too much noise which needs to cease if I’m to be pleased and you wish to quiet the beast.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not demanding peace and quiet from the animals in my kingdom who are forced to swallow peas and ‘try it’. There is always an exception to any rule and a good reason for a bad dog to bark in protest and dabble in discord. So on those days that I whine and complain, show up ready to throw me a meaty bone, by keeping your music to yourself and your words in hushed tone.


  1. Most people get harder of hearing as they get older, so maybe you've found the fountain of youth. Or the fountain of hearing.

  2. People noises are more irritating to me than Animal ones,
    Why? Cuz you're allowed to shoot animals. But not if
    PETA has its way, cuz they even love the animals that
    EAT other animals. With those Dumbo ears, better hope
    PETA adopts you.