Thursday, February 20, 2014

Stylish Snack Personality

Pretty much when you arrive at Mack truck size, most foods are frowned upon unless they taste like tree twigs and look like green leaves. Overall I agree with the idea to eat a bit healthier but that doesn’t mean I’ll be first in line to suck on broccoli stalk crackers or cauliflower curds that get in my way. If you want me to eat more of something then you need to provide some proper inducement that befits my personality like Cracker Jacks do with those primo prizes they hide inside every box.

Obviously geezers like me can be tasteless at times, so that’s why even if the flavor of snacks lacks, then at the very least I encourage everyone to stock up on  pantry foodies which can do double duties.  Who needs kitty litter clay when a boxed brick of Grape Nuts will take care of “Fluffy’s” nuggets n’ stain needs in a pinch. Better yet after a quick sift and a truckload of sugar, that pan will be as good n’ gritty as ever and ready to serve up 12 essential vitamins and 100% (or maybe more) of your daily grain intake. 

While everybody loves an orange cheesy cracker, why choose a stuffy square Cheez-it over a new wave cracker that tastes just as good but also tops off your aquarium with Goldfish food too? If those fishy-faced-down floating bite-sized crackers aren’t filling enough for your dining pleasure then simply shove a toothpick up their rudders and VOILA – Fishsticks for Friday!  Oh sure they quickly turn into bait once they bounce on the bubbles, but at least now you’ll have a seeable reason as to why your other fish regularly swim upside down in that cloudy pea green tank o’ soup.

My Parmesan flakey brain clearly is NOT a head and shoulders above sanity and I’ve simply taken food style a bit too far. In the future I should probably just stick to chewing the chaff rather than demanding healthy double-dips from my crazy deli designs too?  If that’s true then the Pringle’s people should get a ‘CLUE’ since ‘hyperbolic paraboloids’ are best left to the mathematicians and their distant duck-lipped n’ swayback, horse-faced ancestors. But please don’t bellow to the ‘Bugles- crew ‘to change the personality of their cornucopia snacks a bit; since I just scored a handful for a matching set of corny claws and a-MAIZE-ing fangs which for ME, tastefully FIT!


  1. Anything covered in dark chocolate is health food to me.

  2. Somehow, Mr. Blogger, I think you've become the
    number one HEALTH FOOD writer on the web. When
    you proclaim the glop you gobble, it makes us, run,
    not waddle, to the aisles of raw veggies. Thanks!