Thursday, April 10, 2014

One BAD egg

Being a free range chicken at heart especially whenever I see scary movies has made me an EGG-spert of sorts on all things egg. Except for my enduring essence of sulfur I think I have inherited most of my ‘egg-centric’ traits from my parents who meet, greet, and eat the ovoids nearly every day. Yes, you can boil ‘em, fry ‘em, or tie dye ‘em because unless they’re still warm from a fresh squeezing, you can bet I will try ‘em.

Like my city-bred attention span, I like eggs best when scrambled except I prefer the farm-raised versions extra large and on buttered toast points any time of day. Surprisingly though my wife is not a ‘egg-ok’ with chicken droppings sold by the carton and parked in ROES in the fridge.  The egg-hater knows we need ‘em for baking cakes and practical yolks on neighbors with high cholesterol but otherwise never makes ‘vittle’ dinner plans with chicken littles in pans. 

Yes, in my wife’s hard-boiled world, colorless n’ boring un-hatched eggs should be for breakfast exclusively and their bald tops need never see our fingerprinty glass table top after daybreak. Even then, the white-headed plain jane under-studies might only get their big break after all the cold limp cereal, pasty oatmeal, and stale bread ends have been exhausted as superior forms of sunrise sustenance. On rare occasions I can spur the spouse to sup up some embryos sunny side up, only if they go under cover as an abstract Picasso palette, with a gaudy free-flowing mix of yellow, gory splotches of red catsup, and a liberal dusting of black cracked pepper.

Ironically on a recent grocery run to restock a dozen of the hard-shelled and edible white cargo, the Crayola egg-eater paused a wee longer than normal to check for ‘cracks’ on the backs of our styro-packed inhabitants. As she deposited the EXACT same questionable carton-coop gingerly into our basket, it was clear that she had witnessed something that had caused pause for considerable thought. When queried as to her concern my wife replied, ‘ Oh it’s nothing,  just ONE egg is a bit browner than the rest so I thought it might be BAD!”


  1. We eat eggs most mornings, and here is the secret of
    doing so with fewer worries about cholesterol:
    Never eat 'em sunnyside up. Salmonella taint cannot get
    cooked away like that. Second, we take Statin pills
    which negate bad cholesterol. You need some 'good
    cholesterol" (HDL, not LDL.)
    PS -- anyone reading this owes me $25 for medical advice.
    Just call it "Obama Don't-Care."

  2. A doctor once told me to stay away from green eggs. I think his name was Seuss.