What’s it all about SELFIE?

All the talk now on the news, clap-trap-yap TV, and mindless media programming is ‘Selfie’ this and ‘Selfie’ that, so much so I need a NAP! When I had more luscious locks and a gut that could stay stuffed in a shirt we called the EXACT same activity a ‘self-portrait’. I can’t even stand looking at myself or other vampires in mirrors now because if I see one more lifeless selfie I think I’m gonna’ be sick. 

Since we are sensitive to a more enlightened, politically correct world now why choose to popularize a term which discriminates against those who are unable to take moronic still photos of themselves? Frightened criminals , alcoholics with the D.T’s, and even some pizza employees might feel left out unless we call their personal photoshoots the ‘Shakey’s’. Of course clandestine spies should shun the term and practice all together but if they did ever take a shot in the dark they surely would prefer to call it a ‘Stealthy’.

Clearly like everything these days the more formal expression of language has been compacted small and made cuddly cute for incurious kids. I think society has become immune to any word that consists of more than one or two syllables and an occasional ‘grunt’ for comic emphasis while texting. I bet if we filled our planet full of apes even if they couldn’t speak, they would still bark, bellow, and slide their way through school as long as they had a CELLfie camera phone.

As my brain gets moldier, nuttier, and more mellow like Brie cheese, it would be better to note my self-portrait’s as a ‘Softee’ instead of ‘Selfie’ anyway. Oh sure I know that moniker is not too flattering for most men but for me it’s the most positive self-reflection I can ever hope for. You see it beat’s the only other obvious option of ‘Stinkee’ since ‘Scrawny’ I’m afraid is still about 100 pounds out of the question.