Monday, September 13, 2010

‘Architecture Digested’ - Diapers follow Whiners

I am a genuine fan of architecture. Yeah, if you stir up blocks, brick, stone, and some mud to hold it all together, you’ll have every ingredient you need to fix up a soft and spongy brain just like mine. Now as terrifying as that sounds, you could instead use all that stuff in a more constructive manner to build a Pueblo, and I will probably like it. I enjoy iconic buildings that make an architectural statement so this is one discipline in my life where I often prefer, form to PRECEDE function.

In college, I researched many famous structures from the obligatory Wright disciplined design style, to Simon Rodia’s eclectic Watt’s Towers in Los Angeles. Still all that ‘high-brow’ construction doesn’t ‘MOVE’ me nearly as much as something like a hot dog stand in the shape of an ACTUAL hot dog. If you have ever had an ultra greasy wiener with chili on it, then you’ll understand my real meaning. I like the weird and wonderful of architecture including, water towers that look like catsup bottles, missle silos converted to homes, and even the occasional modern cave dwelling.

When Google Sketch was the new ‘CAD lite’ kid on the block, I drew up a concept for a new Las Vegas hotel – in the shape of a toilet. The pool deck in the middle was surrounded by a ring of conference rooms and the hotel tower was faced with an enormous fish tank. I thought the design had certain satirical benefits for a town started by mobsters in the middle of the desert, but oddly nobody wanted to build it, EVEN after I offered to pay for all of the Legos. I have family there and visit regularly so no need to send me nasty e-mails to tell me how misinformed I am.

In practical terms I will never be a real student of today’s architectural challenges. I don’t have any appreciation for calculating wind loads on buildings or constructing cookie cutter conforming structures that all cities seem to love. I can hire SMART people to do all that stuff, but in my perfect ‘pink bubble’ world, I want to only build structures that city municipalities don’t understand and therefore despise.

Maybe I just “rattle cages” and “cry out” to make a statement and get attention as an INDIVIDUAL in this cluttered, busy world. Wait, that’s no statement! CLEARLY, that’s just the relentless claptrap of a stupid giant ‘BABY’ whining in MY ‘crib’. Oops, I think I worked myself up into such a frothy lather, I’m well overdue for my hourly ‘diapey’ change. Hmmm, maybe there is something to that ‘Form follows Function’ stuff after all?


  1. Totally sucked in by all things architectural. I am not a huge fan though of modern buildings. The silver lining with them though is that if they are strategically placed near a beautiful piece of old architecture, on a sunny day they do a FABULOUS job of reflecting the old beauty. :-)

  2. You are making me laugh out loud right now. Yous crazeh, main! But, so am I, right? Okay, love the toilet idea. Maybe you could build it in another city? Hmmm...maybe Flint, Michigan? I love buildings that have some creative meaning behind them, too. I am pretty sure there is a big boot somewhere in Texas you can walk inside of and do something in... On another note, I LOVED your definition for "refflie" for "Captcha Balderdash". Your definitions ALWAYS make me laugh out loud! There is a whole story behind them that always makes me giggle.

  3. When seriousness crept thru the goofiness in your blog I sensed a bit of Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" philosophy.
    They could have saved money using you instead of Gary Cooper for the movie. Could have let you build your brick toilet and billed you as
    "Gary P--per."

  4. You could build your toilet building and surround it with some of the insane pieces of "art" my city has paid thousands upon thousands of dollars for, to decorate our fair town to make us look all cultured, y'all.

  5. Im really surprised the toilet resort didnt take off. That would have been something to see.

    Serious for a minute - I love Gothic cathedrals and old building and homes.

  6. I'm back. I had to let you know that I laughed out loud at the bungee jumping over the vat of sewage bit on my blog today. Hahahaha!!! That's good stuff. Love it. Also, I feel compelled to clear up something from another. I stated that Kristen Wiig was my favorite on SNL and that I have really enjoyed watching the women on SNL, starting with Victoria Jackson. I feel obligated to let you know that I did not find Victoria Jackson all that funny. Her time on SNL was one of my favorites, though, because Phil Hartman, Mike Meyers, Chris Farley, Dana Carvey & Kevin Nealon were on there. THEY cracked me up! She made me giggle quietly a few times, I guess. I know you could give a rat's behind about all of this, but I feel better. Thanks for letting me (well, you technically didn't "let" me) take up some of your blog space with my writing.

  7. The toilet idea was pretty inventive. I would put crocodiles in the water.

  8. Oiy!!! That pic is almost as bad as the Whoopi pic!