Sunday, September 12, 2010

Public Servant's Plus-Sized Prows!

Believe me I have the utmost respect for the police and fire people and the job they do. Even on my best day I do not have the stamina or guts to carry out one of these ultra-risky jobs. With that said however, sometimes I wonder if when these PLUS-SIZE public servants were told they were ‘first responders’, they misunderstood and thought that meant it was for the buffet line.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about your local cops that have had an extra donut or two and the Blueberry muffin top is just starting to peek over the bat-utility belt. I am referring to these full-on overgrown ‘Oompa-Loompas’ who would have trouble running to the elevator much less up a flight of stairs. I’m not saying big people can’t do demanding jobs. As long as these folks can meet the SAME physical training standards that everyone else meets in the same job, then bless their big-bagel hearts!

You see, I too have crushed my fair share of chairs so I have lived on both sides of the subject. When I was a young buck, I could bound up the side of a mountain, or paddle a river undaunted for hours on end and by nightfall be ready for more. But add 30 years and double that in poundage of brain-blubber, and I can tell you endurance activities like working in a Chilean mine,or scrubbing my nooks and crannies become a real challenge.

There is indeed something to be said for experience, but if you’re part of my team as a soldier, cop, or fireperson, I’m going to have much MORE to say about your physical readiness if my life depends on you. Though it rarely matters when all you do is pick-up the mail or stare at a laptop all day. I would be concerned however, if people’s lives depended on my physical PROWESS these days - because it’s clear that I have a ‘wittle WESS’ spring in my step, but a much bigger ‘PROW’ now!


  1. My husband is currently preparing for the fire academy entrance physical, which is super rigorous. However, I get the feeling they don't ever have to do it again, because I have seen some fatty firemen.

  2. I have often wondered the same thing. If push came to shove would *I* be the one carrying them out of the building?

  3. Yeah I can see it all now. Phat Phireman comes in to rescue Marlooney, and has a heart attack while lifting her to safety. Doesn't do him in, he sues Marlooney for having eaten that extra Big Mac, which made her just heavy enough to not be worth saving. Uh huh.

    Oh ... consider yourself among the elite. I'm logging in from my hotel room in Virginia Beach - while on say hi. HI!